Inter vs. Milan Preview: Derby Be Damned

Even if Milan hasn't won a Derby della Madonnina for three years, and even then only in extra time, this match always gets the hate flowing for me. Those vile, wiretapping grass snakes always need to lose, even if on paper, that is unlikely, as they have spent almost three times as much as we have on players in the past few years. But this year's Derby has a new twist. The global pandemic has literally gone viral on the two squads, with eight players currently testing positive for Saturday's big match. We can play the match and ignore the health and safety of our players and staff, or we can try to postpone it and see if the Lega Serie A will screw us over like they did Napoli. We are damned if we do, and damned if we don't.


Kind of like that, only imagine if Kjaer was facing a deadly virus


Because Milan are actually very responsible and being extra vigilant in testing and isolating, and maybe they also believe that Conte's fake hair will absorb all of the COVID-19 molecules from his infected squad to keep us safe, it sounds like we will be intimidated to play the match as scheduled. That means Inter's six players and Milan's two players with current positive tests will have to miss this one. They say that the virus originated from a bat in China, but now it is spreading via a bunch of snakes owned by a Chinese owner. It's no big deal, though, it's just a deadly and highly contagious virus. 

Conte is a horrible human being, but sometimes, the fear of death from him is greater than the fear of dying from a global pandemic, so he can produce results. But their advantage actually has more to do with Inter's obsession with becoming Juventus 2.0, with their ex-director, ex-manager, and now ex-players having morally downgraded, if that is even possible after Juventus, who are already poised to win a paper Scudetto of their own this year. The irony never ends.


Maybe the hair will absorb the virus for everyone, kind of looks like it may have already


Inter find themselves below Milan on the table after matchday 3, as it should be. That is due to a fiery draw vs. Lazio ahead of the international break. For that match, the soulless Conte lined up Handanovic; Skriniar, de Vrij, Bastoni; Hakimi, Vidal, Gagliardini, Perisic; Barella; Lukaku, and Lautaro Martinez. Sensi got himself sent off in that match, so will miss the Derby. The more-infected-than-usual players who have been isolating since positive tests for COVID-19 are: Bastoni, Skriniar, Gagliardini, Nainggolan, Radu, and Young. Bastoni has a chance of returning to the squad if he can test negative in time for the match. Vecino has been injured and is in doubt for the Derby as well.

Meanwhile, Pioli, who is authentic about his hair (and everything else,) will still be missing Duarte after positive tests for COVID-19, as well as the young Gabbia, who returned early from international duty because he also tested positive for the virus. In the rare good pandemic news, Ibrahimovic is back in the squad, having completed his quarantine and tested negative twice in order to return. 


The virus already took on this guy and lost


Also returning just in time is our captain, Romagnoli, who has been out since August due to an injury. Conti could possibly be available as well, depending on fitness tests, having been out injured for a while now. Definitely not returning is Rebic, who unfortunately is still not fit from his elbow injury. Musacchio is also still not fit after his long term injury, but hey, at least we still have two center backs for this one.

Inter's squad are definitely more expensive on paper, but with so many players out due to COVID-19, Milan have a chance of winning the game. The trouble is that with so many players testing positive in both squads, throughout the league, and throughout the international break this past two weeks, all of the staff and players also have a chance at contracting a deadly virus. I usually say a lot more awful things about Inter at this point, but I'm frankly distracted by the vast numbers of people affected by this global pandemic, which the League seems fine to ignore this week, after punishing a team who didn't in the last round.


Romagnoli returning to save us just in time, as usual


In March, the league shut down when there were fewer than 400 deaths in Italy. Now, there have been more than 36,000 deaths, with more than 372, 000 people infected. Eight of those people are currently amongst these two squads. The chances of those numbers growing increases if we play the match, the chances of those numbers staying the same or dropping decreases if we don't. Even if one team wins the match, health, safety, and potentially life loses. It's the Derby be damned.


This post inspired by the music of The Damned


Serie A Week 4 (unless Serie A finds a soul or some common sense)
il Derby della Madonnina
Inter vs. Milan
Saturday, October 17 • 18:00 CEST (12noon EDT)
This match can be streamed LIVE on ESPN+ in the U.S.


Inter vs. Milan Preview: Derby Be Damned Inter vs. Milan Preview: Derby Be Damned Reviewed by Elaine on 6:42 AM Rating: 5
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