Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Watch it Burn


There is an overwhelming idea that throwing money at the fire that is AC Milan right now will turn our fortunes on the pitch to gold. That if Silvio just keeps spending and buying better players, somehow we will just magically transform into a winning squad and live happily ever after. You know, kind of like Abramovic at Chelsea. That’s going well. (There may be a correlation between Chelsea’s acquisition of Marco Amelia and their demise, but that’s for another post.) So if you believe that throwing cash at the transfer window is all this team needs, then I dare you to take whatever hard earned money you have, throw it into a fire, and see if it turns into gold. I’m waiting. Go ahead, throw all of your money in a fire and watch it burn…

All the best players and all the best coaches could not put Milan back together again

Monday, December 28, 2015

Mercato Math


Anyone who reads this blog or listens to the podcast knows that I hate rumors almost as much as I hate the journalists who create them. And nothing brings out the worst in rumors and journalists as much as the mercato. There are so many reasons, but this transfer window could easily show why more than ever before. If you’ve been paying attention to Milan in recent years, perhaps you’ll know why, too. It’s not rocket science, it’s some very basic mercato math.

"I know about maths!!!"

Saturday, December 26, 2015

What’d Ya Get?


The day after receiving gifts, kids everywhere will ask each other excitedly “What’d ya get? Whether you celebrate Christmas, Boxing Day, Hanukkah, or any other holidays, there have been a lot of gifts exchanged throughout the world recently. But in all of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, let’s not forget what Milan gave to us – on and off the pitch.

"When it comes to read this campaign you have to be really, really sleep through grammar class"

Thursday, December 24, 2015

An AC Milan Christmas


It’s Christmas Eve, and around the world many Milan fans should be spending time with those they love and sharing laughter and good times together. But this year being a Milan fan was more like getting only coal, so it may be difficult to be happy. As a gift to you this Christmas, I would like to offer some suggestions for Milan fans to still be able to enjoy their Christmas this year.


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Podcast: The Milan Awakens


There is a disturbance in the force. Can you feel it? No? Not surprising, as Milan are still struggling to discover who they are. But there are questions as to whether or not we will see an awakening in 2016. I’ve been using Star Wars as an analogy (but without any spoilers!) because it resonates with our struggles as fans, and of course because the new movie is freaking awesome. So for the last podcast of the year, there are two important messages to take: Merry Christmas and May the Force Be With You. Well, okay, there’s a little more to talk about… just listen already.


Sunday, December 20, 2015

Frosinone 2, Milan 4: Hope Is Not Lost Today


The Resistance won a small battle today. And by small battle, I mean we manage to beat the 18th place team with only two goals conceded. But there were some other victories, too. Like taking 23 shots, with ten of those on target. According to @OptaPaolo, we haven’t made ten shots on target since November of 2013. Maybe not the ‘missing piece of the map to the last Jedi master’ victory, but a substantial accomplishment for a team that is still in such turmoil. And an accomplishment worthy of ‘destroying a weapon of the First Order’ would be the fact that Milan won a match from a trailing situation for the first time this season. That was almost epic. And so “hope is not lost today,” and neither was the game.

Wait, Abate scored? Now I know the force is real.

Frosinone vs. Milan: Send a Message to Supreme Leader Silvio



Defeating the Canaries would loosen Kylo Ren’s grip on the Resistance

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Frosinone-Milan Preview: The Force Awakens


Let’s just be right up front here: there is no way that this match will even be in the same universe as the new Star Wars movie. Even Milan at its height would have trouble competing with that level of awesome. But in the epic galactic battles of good vs. evil, there is a correlation. Will Milan as a team band together like the Resistance and fight the evil First Order, aka Milan’s management? Will they secure this victory and silence Supreme Leader Snoke (aka Berlusconi) and his apprentice Kylo Ren (aka Galliani) and see that Miahajlovic will be allowed to fight the battles ahead?

A rare sighting of Supreme Leader Snoke and Kylo Ren together

Friday, December 18, 2015

Coppa Italia • Sampdoria 0, Milan 2: Whatever it Takes


The lineups said it all: Mihajlovic was willing to do whatever it takes to win this one. Whether it was for job security or for the fact that winning this one put us on the easy road to the Coppa Italia final or a little of both, he wasn’t going to risk sending his B team on and increase the probability of crashing out before the quarterfinals. And that risk paid off, as Milan took this one 2-0 in a performance that wasn’t as dominating as our most recent matchup with Sampdoria, but still got the job done. Whatever it takes.

Who says no one cares about the Coppa? Niang does.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Coppa Italia • Sampdoria-Milan Preview: No Room For Complacency


This match is quite ironic. Milan have already played a couple of rounds in this year’s Coppa Italia because of our poor finish in the league last season. While for Sampdoria, they have both home advantage and the distinction of joining the Coppa Italia now in the fifth round because of how well they finished last year. Which is largely because of their coach last season, one Sinisa Mihajlovic. So now, with a couple of mindnumbing performances in the league as well as barely scraping past Crotone in the fourth round, that same Mihajlovic brings  a mentally weak Milan to Genoa to face his former club in a do or die competition on Thursday. The same former club that Milan arguably had one of their best performances against a few weeks ago in the league, winning 4-1 at the San Siro. But the tables are kind of turned now, with Sampdoria finally showing signs of life under new coach Montella and Milan showing quite the opposite with Mihajlovic. And with us having to go to the Marassi, there is no room for complacency.

"Wait, we're away to my ex-team because of me?"

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Milan 1, Verona 1: Back on the Blame Game


When a team does not achieve their desired results for long enough, they have several options. One is to take responsibility, put their heads down, and keep on working and make necessary changes to impact results. Another could be to blame others for their mistakes in order to deflect the attention from their own shortcomings. Apparently, we are now taking the latter option. We’re back on the blame game.

Can't blame a strike like that... even Adriano is impressed

Friday, December 11, 2015

Milan-Verona Preview: Wake Me When It’s Over


Honestly, Milan could be due for a decent performance on Sunday. Or not. But the game falls at 6am my time, so I’m not really enthusiastic about this one. Verona are bottom of the table, yes, but they are also due for a win, especially with their new coach. With the reports this week that Montolivo will be extending his contract, it’s honestly hard to be enthusiastic about anything Milan related right now. So forgive me if I’m short on optimism this time around, and please, wake me when it’s over.

It's always too early to wake up for this happy couple

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Podcast: Regression



With so many token moves from the club at the beginning of this calendar year and so many claims of moving forward, fans have subjected themselves to poor performances galore hoping to see some progress. But as one by one, things have fallen through: the deal with Mr. Bee, the stadium, and Berlusconi’s random opening of the wallet, it has become obvious that progress is not in the plans. But with the announcement that Boateng is likely to sign in January and the reports that Montolivo is set to sign a three year extension, not only are we no longer going forward, we are actually regressing.

Never look back. Like seriously, Galliani, we can't go back. So stop trying, please

Monday, December 7, 2015

Not My Captain


I am so pissed off right now, I can barely type this. Normally I wait to write about these kinds of things until they are official, but this one is so obviously going to happen, it’s not even funny. I speak, of course, of the renewal of Montolivo’s contract. Sorry, that’s “Captain” Montolivo, or so I’m told. He represents the scourge of Milan these past three years, and the lowest common denominator of Berlusconi and Galliani’s decision making. You can call him whatever you want, heaven knows that when the kids aren’t around I’ve called him unspeakable things. But I refuse to call him one thing: Captain. He is not my captain.

A fake trophy lifted by a fake captain. How ironic.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Carpi 0, Milan 0: Killing Me Slowly


There is an old song called “Killing Me Softly,” I think it was originally recorded by Roberta Flack. In the song, the woman is slowly “killed” by song as the music and lyrics are all too familiar to her. That would be a treat compared to watching this Milan. Not only are we asking ourselves each match “Which team will show up?” we are also being lulled into a catatonic state or worse with the random acts of mediocrity and epic levels of fail that our team arbitrarily and sometimes consistently display. So if one day you don’t see a review post go up after a match, know that I probably finally died from watching games like this one. Especially with those kits. Milan are killing me slowly.

Zaccardo, you remember Niang, don't you?

Carpi vs. Milan: Which Milan Will Show Up?



Do you dare spin the wheel?

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Carpi-Milan Preview: Exes and Ohs


It’s true what they say that exes will haunt you. I mean Zaccardo haunted us even before he was an ex. But this particular set of exes will be interesting this time. Both Borriello and Captain Zaccardo are legendary in their own rights, for different reasons, but together, they’re terrifying. Like in the same way a balding, middle-aged man hitting on you when you are in college is terrifying … oh, hopefully that never happened to you, but trust me – it’s terrifying. But enough about my past dating traumas, this game could likely be about our exes and ohs.

Exes and uh-ohs

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Coppa Italia • Milan 3, Crotone 1: Sharkbait


The scoreline does not do this game justice. Milan never really dominated, they only escaped their own doom because of substitutions, and still needed added extra time to come out on top. Crotone, on the other hand, were truly like sharks… first they showed interest, and when they smelled blood, they struck… again and again, fearlessly. In a game that they were serious underdogs, they showed Milan’s every weakness and forced Mihajlovic to sub on three starters and Milan still needed thirty extra minutes to earn a score that does not give i Squali (the Sharks) enough credit. Or show Milan’s bench players for what they are: sharkbait.

More relief than celebration