Milan Obsession

This was supposed to be our first game of the season. But due to a tragedy, we are playing it on Halloween. Which is kind of creepy, really, a haunting memory of that horrific tragedy. But also strange due to the bewitched luck Milan has when tragedy occurs. We always seem to have an advantage before the tragedy, and then lose that advantage (and sometimes more) by the time our game is rescheduled. That is definitely the case with Genoa, between our beleaguered performances and their change of coaches and related improvement in form.

After reaching a shocking new low in performances this week, rumors of Gattuso’s job being on the line didn’t even need spreading. Fans could feel the tension based on the performances alone. And we knew that a loss today would impact his tenure exponentially, while a win might buy him some more time. And so against all odds, with changing the tactics and dealing with injuries, the team pulled off the win, providing all of us with some much needed respite.

After the terrible awful unspeakable performance in the Europa League on Thursday, Gattuso is feeling the pressure. And he should. His grinta has vanished and now he is throwing tactics out like candy in an effort to pull up out of this horrific nosedive the team is heading in, ready to crash and burn at any moment. And now we are hosting Sampdoria, I cannot imagine the Milan fans will be kind unless there is a 180° performance and a resounding win. And that is highly unlikely.

I normally have plenty to say, even about the worst matches. But today, there are simply no words.

Any Milan fan that watched the Derby probably feels that all is lost. Coming off of an international break during which the financials were released from Yonghong Li’s Milan, it’s certainly not a fun time to talk about Milan. But with or without the aid of alcohol, those who bleed red and black must carry on. You’re welcome.

I type letters endlessly to fill a post, but sometimes, there really are no words. Milan getting it right for 90 minutes only to be pronounced dead in stoppage time. The Derby takes no prisoners, and bragging rights don’t care when or how the game was won. For all intents and purposes, we may as well have been Dead On Arrival.

They’re only grass snakes

This is not a family affair for me. I hate Inter. Like the plague. And their thug-filled, whiny, degenerate squad aren’t helping matters. Not to mention their bandwagoning, illiterate, worthless fans. They are a plague on Milano, and they need to be taught a lesson. Only I’m not sure Milan are the team to do that right now. I hope they do, though. Because someone needs to rid that beautiful city of those filthy snakes and put an end to the black and blue plague.

Much has been spoken of Gattuso, good and bad, since taking over the first team at Milan. Most of the talk centers around his grinta and his tactics, or lack thereof. But today, I would like to propose an alternate theory as to his legacy at Milan: getting rid of Montolivo. While the purchase of Biglia largely pushed Milan’s most universally hated player to the bench, Gattuso is doing everything in his power to rid us of him forever.

Serie A has always had problems, but since Calciopoli, it seems like they just cannot get it together. They focus on ridiculous things, like commissioning an anthem for the league three years ago that is meant to help curb corruption. Because songs totally curb corruption, right? In addition to that ridiculous irony, it was written in three languages: Latin, Italian, and English. Do you think most footballers speak those three languages? And I don’t know about the other languages, but the English is not great. So fitting for a league that is so intrinsically corrupt and self-destructive. But also so deluded at the same time.

There is something I have always hated about Juventus: their entitled mentality. But that has morphed into something more sociopath than humane. They are so hell bent on winning that literally nothing else matters. Not their players, their directors, their fans, or even human beings in general. It is a horrible disease, and when people ask if I am jealous of Juventus, I am quick to say no, absolutely not. Because not only do I bleed red and black, but also I have a conscience and I value human beings. Juve’s motto may be “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing,” but it has created a club devoid of all human decency.

Milan have three wins in a row, and I couldn’t be more frightened. Why? Because we cannot keep a clean sheet to save our lives. It’s like having an amazing dinner, but knowing you’re going to get mugged on the way home. Not being able to keep 90 minutes of mentality is already making our results shaky, but stand to pull the rug out from beneath us in the long run. And it’s not just one game, it’s happening over and over again.

We were playing the 20th place team. In our house. We should have dominated. And we did, with 68% possession and 20 shots, although only six of those on target. But if we were ever going to keep a clean sheet, this would have been the game. And we couldn’t. It was a flawed victory.

Every time we play Chievo, I think of Pandoro. I can’t help myself, Pandoro is the singularly most delicious thing in this world. And that Chievo are owned by Paluani, a company that makes Pandoro, doesn’t help. The second thing I think of are the Flying Donkeys. Because what the hell?! But this time around, I also think of the number three. First was Sassuolo, then Olympiacos, and I want Chievo to be our third straight win. Like three of a kind.

Milan have been so inconsistent this season, but the one thing they have been consistent on is conceding goals. But their second half meltdowns were becoming all too familiar, too. So what a refreshing surprise that after conceding a goal in the first half, they managed to step it up in the second half and win in style. And to add to the feel-good win, the goals were scored by our returning-from-injury strikers.

Milan won their Serie A match on Sunday in spite of themselves. But now our Europa League test is upon us, as we face the top-ranked team in our group, Olympiacos. The Greek powerhouse team played to a goalless draw in their opening match against Real Betis, and will be in search of a win on Thursday. Despite having won our opening match with Dudelange, Milan will be seeking three points as well. This season has had more than its fair share of disappointments for us, so Milan will be playing in search of honor

It wasn’t Milan’s finest hour. With no strikers starting, we all expected the worst. But it seems that those pesky strikers were apparently always in the way of the goal, and without them, the other players could finally score. In all seriousness, what started out as a horrific performance turned into an amazing result thanks to some individual brilliance. Instead of another disappointment, this match was a Milan goalfest.