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Milan 0, Benevento 1: Dark Magic

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It’s the only explanation: Dark magic. Those witches put a hex on Milan. How else do you explain losing at home to the 20th place team, who were on 10 men, and have the worst defense in the league this season, having conceded 78 goals? How can even Milan, for whom scoring has not been easy this year, not score on that team? At least take a point? And now we are the only team in Serie A to not beat Benevento this year. We were the laughing stock of Serie A when we played them in November, but now we just sad and pathetic, like the guy in this video.
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Milan-Benevento Preview: Are You a Good Witch? Or a Bad Witch?

This fixture could be hexed. If you’ll remember, the away fixture was Gattuso’s Serie A debut, and it was anything but magical. But now “Le Streghe” or “the Witches” are coming to the San Siro. Will they bring their brooms? Or would that be considered Quidditch? I don’t know. But when they do arrive, much like when Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz finds herself unexpectedly in Oz, I think it’s fair to ask them “Are you a good witch? Or a bad witch?”

Torino 1, Milan 1: Parody

Since Gattuso started coaching Milan in November, they have been developing their own style of play. And for a good part of this calendar year, that worked out really well for us. But lately, the team have been mirroring their opponents’ level of play. So for Juventus and Napoli, that was great, because the team played really well. It wasn’t so great for Inter and Sassuolo, who play very poor football. Going into this match, we should have not only guessed that we would pull off another draw, but also known that we would play down to Torino’s level. Although I’m not even sure we played that well, it was more of a parody.

Torino-Milan Preview: The Lorenzo Derby

It is well known that Bonucci’s older son, Lorenzo, is a massive Torino fan. It created a lot of problems while his father played at Juventus, seeing as they are crosstown rivals. For example, Lorenzo was caught on camera just crying horribly as his father made him wear a Juve jersey for a Scudetto celebration, it was like child abuse or something. At least his father did the right thing afterwards and took him to a Torino game to meet Lorenzo’s idol, Belotti. I like to think their relationship has improved, even though when Torino came to Milan in November, Belotti was seen giving little Lorenzo his match jersey and a kiss as his father walked by. It seems like Lorenzo mainly supports his father now that he’s at Milan… except when we play Torino.

Milan 0, Napoli 0: Neutralized

For once, not getting three points was not a problem for me. Because Napoli. Granted, we played them while they were not at their best this season, but even still they are playing some of the best football in Serie A. And we matched them, kept a clean sheet, and earned some footballing respect. Poor Napoli were simply neutralized.

Milan-Napoli Preview: Frightfest

There is nothing more frightening than being accused of territorial discrimination. Only slightly less frightening is playing Napoli. Which means that we are in for a real frightfest. Because not only are we playing Napoli, but we will be under scrutiny for territorial discrimination. But at least I can help with the latter. Nothing I can do about facing Napoli, we just have to hide under the covers and wait it out until it’s over.

Pride and Shame

I was planning this post to be about how well Roma and Juve represented Italy in the Champions League this week. I don’t even know if there are words for how proud I am of Roma. They smashed records, astonished even their biggest skeptics, and went swimming in ancient fountains to celebrate. Then offered to pay for the refurbishing of said fountain to the tune of €230 thousand. But then came Juve’s game. They also surprised and impressed by overturning a 3-0 deficit… away. But when a penalty was awarded to Real Madrid, they showed their true colors. Which for Buffon, was a straight red. And Chiellini motioned to Real Madrid players as if they had paid off the refs. And then came the public statements. Apparently, Juventus no longer have any shame. But certainly, to Serie A, they brought a lot of shame.

Podcast: Team Gattuso

We hit a bit of a wall in our march toward a return to Champions League, with a loss and two draws in our last three matches. But whatever frustration we have with results and injuries, we also are blessed with a great leader to see us through the tough times. Whatever differences people may have, the one thing I think we can all agree on is that we are all on Team Gattuso.

Milan 1, Sassuolo 1: Define Clinical

Have you ever seen the prank where people put plastic wrap over the toilet but under the toilet seat? It keeps everything out of the toilet and can be very messy for the unwitting person, or so I’m told. That was like Sassuolo's net in this match, and Consigli was the plastic wrap keeping the ball out of it. With 22 shots and eight on target, we should have absolutely taken more from this match. And while we had some great shots and Consigli had some even better saves to stop them, we could have done better. Perhaps Gattuso should define clinical.

Milan-Sassuolo Preview: Back to Work

After two disappointing results in two big and important games, Milan need to haul in as many points as possible from our remaining fixtures and pray for teams above us to choke… a lot… to have any hope of Champions League next season. One we don’t have any control over, but how many points we grab is completely up to us… and maybe a little to VAR, we’ll see. The point is, we have to get back to work and get back to winning. Every point counts at this point in the season.