Sunday, November 29, 2015

Coppa Italia 4th Round: Milan vs. Crotone: Shark Attack

Tomorrow Milan face off against the team who currently sit in second place in Serie B, Crotone. Why should you care? Because it’s for the Coppa Italia, also known as the Precious. Also known as the only competition that Milan truly have a chance of winning a bonafide trophy in this season. And that reward also comes with a patch to wear all next year, so our kits don’t look quite so empty. (Also because Juventus have way too many patches this year, they can afford to lose some of them.) At this stage of the competition, it’s win or go home. So even if we are facing i Squali, or the Sharks, a team perfectly capable of surprising us, we need to take this match seriously and be fearless against the shark attack.

"Wait, they have sharks in Serie B?"

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Milan 4, Sampdoria 1: Told You So

Mihajlovic has got to be feeling pretty good tonight. He beat his old team and that crazy ex-boss Massimo Ferrero. He also beat his ex-teammate, Montella, who is also the coach who seems to follow him everywhere – taking the jobs at Catania, Fiorentina, and Sampdoria right after Mihajlovic left. He should also be happy because Milan scored four goals for the first time in over a year. But most importantly, having finally been able to implement his preferred system of 4-4-2 with this group, he has to be thrilled at how convincing the system was. So not only has he got to be thrilled with the win, he’s got to feel a little giddy about showing the naysayers who said this wouldn’t work. Told you so.

Brilliant victory, and well-deserved smiles. Bravo.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Milan-Sampdoria Preview: Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

This match was supposed to be easy. But the easy ones are the trickiest anyway, right? Add to that the sacking of Zenga and the hiring of Montella, and all of a sudden, Milan have no room for error. If we don’t play a perfect game, Sampdoria could drown us. But if we do play a perfect game, the fans will go berserk with the unrealistic expectations and test the mentality of the team yet again. Especially after that overwhelming Trofeo San Nicola victory on Tuesday. So Saturday, we will have to choose between the Devil and the deep blue sea.

Having chosen the Devil over the deep blue sea looks good on him, don't you think?

Monday, November 23, 2015

Trofeo San Nicola: A Cock and Bull Story

Milan are taking part in the inaugural Trofeo San Nicola tournament, along with a cock and a bull. The tournament is just like the Trofeo Tim tournament, where three teams play each other in three 45 minute matches. For Milan, and that team with all of the bull, it is a distraction from the fact that they are not playing in Europe. For Bari, it will be a chance to reminisce about Serie A and how it used to be when they played there. A meaningless midweek friendly. Kind of sad, really. A cock and bull story.

One part cock and a whole lot of bull

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Juventus 1, Milan 0: Confuse and Astound

There is an old adage that says “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” Apparently, Milan took that to heart tonight when facing Juventus. They obviously took a page out of Allegri’s game plan, to “confuse and astound.” And to be quite honest, Milan upped their game for this one. However, it cost them three points and let Juve jump ahead of us on the table, too. But we as fans shouldn’t be that surprised or heartbroken about this one. We are used to failure and disappointment whenever we see Allegri’s Face. Just be grateful we get to face Inter and Bari on Tuesday now instead of playing in the Champions League. See what I mean? Confuse and Astound.

The team who sucked less won

Allegri vs. Milan: Beware the Alebretta

Let’s see if we can take down this hideous freak of nature (and its zebretta part, too)

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Allegri-Milan Preview: That Face

Okay, I know that there will be a football match. And I know that the team is actually called Juventus, not Allegri. But I have acute anxiety over something else entirely: That face. I barely even care what happens on the pitch, it will be a win, a draw, or a loss. There will be no ‘Gol di Muntari,’ because there’s goal line technology now, and obviously no Muntari. But I am terrified of having to see Allegri again, to hear him screaming “Dai Dai Dai!” like a possessed broken record player. Even if he is nominated for the coaching Ballon d'Or and is also The Most Interesting Coach in the World. So although I know I should be thinking about the game, I can’t help it. Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is that face.

A face not even a mother could love

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

The Allegri Effect™

Saturday we face off with an opponent that is all too familiar. No, I’m not talking about Juventus, I’m talking about Allegri. Massimiliano Allegri are two words which still strike fear in the hearts of many Milanisti, despite the fact that he won a Scudetto and a Super Coppa trophy during his three and a half years at Milan. The first year was the honeymoon period, but the two and a half years after that scarred many Milanisti for life. It’s a little phenomenon I like to call the Allegri Effect.™.

A picture is worth a thousand hapless performances

Monday, November 16, 2015

Podcast: Finding Our Footing

After an extended injury break, the podcast is finally back. Hopefully, Milan get the memo and step up and give us some more good things to talk about. Until that point, like a baby deer learning to stand and then walk, Milan will most likely still be finding our footing. That process allows for successes and failures, but does not demand the consistency that most of us fans are craving. But even with a run of three consecutive wins, consistency is still very much lacking in this season. Whether it be mentality or injuries or just missing pieces still, Milan are definitely still looking to find their footing.

A metaphor for Milan's season