Thursday, May 26, 2016

Why I Hate Montolivo


I cannot stop thinking about the ridiculous foolhardy preposterous absurd harebrained ludicrous irresponsible unforgiveable three year contract extension just handed to Montolivo. It is literally unimaginable as to how anyone in their right mind would extend a player so mediocre, let alone let him continue to usurp the captaincy. I try to never hate any Milan players, least of all our captain. But I can’t help it. Montolivo has become one of the most hated players at Milan and has perhaps taken the blame for things that were not necessarily his fault. But for me, there is no love lost, so today I set out to explain why I hate Montolivo.

"I believe I can fly"... but he's the only one who believes

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Podcast: Milan Yearbook


Just when we thought Milan were finally rebuilding, Berlusconi derailed this season with only six games left. With negotiations happening for a potential sale of at least part of the club, the season left us on a giant cliffhanger with very little optimism justified. Still, out of duty or madness or some other reason, a season wrapup seemed the least we could do to maintain some loyalty. Rating the players was also difficult, so I took a high school yearbook approach to make it bearable. For me, humor is the only thing we have left, at least until the big questions are answered.


Saturday, May 21, 2016

Coppa Italia Final • Milan 0, Juve 1: The Natural Order of Things


Anything can happen in 90 minutes, or perhaps even more in 120 minutes. Like Milan showing up to play… not to win, necessarily. To win, they would have actually had to score one of those 18 shots they took. Or at least do something more with that 57% possession they had. But they didn’t. They played a lot better than people expected, but they still lost. Juve didn’t play so well and they won. The game was entertaining, but in the end, the result was what everyone expected. It’s the natural order of things.

An unusual starting 11, but they gave it a good fight

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Coppa Italia Final • Milan vs. Juve: Death By Silvio


For years, as Milan struggled, people pointed the blame in every possible direction. And yet with one idiotic and inexplicable move, the blame finally pointed 100% at the proper source: Silvio Berlusconi. While some, like his crony and puppet Brocchi still try to target the players or the quality of the squad or whatever, it all points back to the selfish, delusional, megalomaniac billionaire. Everyone could see that with Mihajlovic, this team stood a chance against this Juve team, even if we got the easy road to the final. But Silvio just couldn’t hold out even six more games, and without even Galliani’s blessing, he pulled the plug on what was the best Milan effort for rebuilding in four years. Like death by Silvio.

When Silvio lost control of the mentality of the team, he had to bring in another drone

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

New Home Kit: Dressed in Black


I can’t figure out if I like the new home kit or not. I don’t like it up close, but far away it looks better. Which is ironic, because the further away we keep ourselves from Milan right now, the better, too. In fact, there are just so many parallels between what is going on at the club and this kit, it is ridiculous. The most obvious would probably be the black sleeves and back as well as a switch to the black shorts. Kind of like the club has lost its identity, and are in mourning. With only the front panel of the kit to remind us of yesteryears, and even that erodes at the bottom, Milan are dressed in black.

From a distance, it looks better

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Milan 1, Roma 3: End of Days


So… Milan played the last game of the season. The players did exactly what Silvio he wanted them to do, but since we lost so badly, he claims they all had bad attitudes. No surprises there. It just kind of feels like an end of days scenario, and I think most fans are fervently praying that it is the end of days for Silvio. But sadly, it was also the end of days for an oft overlooked legend. Our rightful captain, Abbiati, having waited until our first team kits had the true Milan crest on them again so he could kiss it goodbye, took his last bow at the San Siro. The last of the Champions League winners in our squad, the last of the Senatori. For me that eclipsed anything that Brocchi’s zombies were going to do on the pitch.

End of days, or at least end of a golden era

Milan vs. Roma: Surrender


The battle with management is one that cannot be won

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Milan-Roma Preview: Mercy Killing


There is a controversial practice of ending a terminally ill patient’s life called mercy killing. The belief is that is an act of mercy, because it will end the patient’s excessive pain and suffering. Since Mihajlovic was sacked, Milan have desperately needed an act of mercy just like this to end our suffering, and I think Roma are just the team to do it. So I have composed a letter to them, in hopes they will make it quick and painless for us:

How quickly everything changes

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

The Berlusconi Chronicles


After Berlusconi’s preposterous sacking of Mihajlovic with only six league games and a Coppa final left, people have talked a lot about his failings as a club president. But mostly, they only cite recent events and recent quotes, as if this is something new that no one saw coming. However for those of us who have passionately followed the club for longer, there was plenty of evidence along the way to know that failure at this level was not only coming, but imminent.

"Another article about me?! Just what I always wanted!"

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Bologna 0, Milan 1: Fighting Hunger


This weekend, Serie A is raising awareness and money to help fight hunger. I know Milan haven’t played with hunger since Mihajlovic left, but Bologna was certainly hungry. So besides just maintaining possession like the big kids on the playground vs. the little kids (but still doing very little with it,) Milan were literally fighting hunger.

The best linkup of the night for our two strikers