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Podcast: All is Lost

Any Milan fan that watched the Derby probably feels that all is lost. Coming off of an international break during which the financials were released from Yonghong Li’s Milan, it’s certainly not a fun time to talk about Milan. But with or without the aid of alcohol, those who bleed red and black must carry on. You’re welcome.

Inter 1, Milan 0: DOA

I type letters endlessly to fill a post, but sometimes, there really are no words. Milan getting it right for 90 minutes only to be pronounced dead in stoppage time. The Derby takes no prisoners, and bragging rights don’t care when or how the game was won. For all intents and purposes, we may as well have been Dead On Arrival.

Inter vs. Milan: Snakepit

They’re only grass snakes

Inter vs. Milan: Black and Blue Plague

This is not a family affair for me. I hate Inter. Like the plague. And their thug-filled, whiny, degenerate squad aren’t helping matters. Not to mention their bandwagoning, illiterate, worthless fans. They are a plague on Milano, and they need to be taught a lesson. Only I’m not sure Milan are the team to do that right now. I hope they do, though. Because someone needs to rid that beautiful city of those filthy snakes and put an end to the black and blue plague.

Gattuso’s Legacy

Much has been spoken of Gattuso, good and bad, since taking over the first team at Milan. Most of the talk centers around his grinta and his tactics, or lack thereof. But today, I would like to propose an alternate theory as to his legacy at Milan: getting rid of Montolivo. While the purchase of Biglia largely pushed Milan’s most universally hated player to the bench, Gattuso is doing everything in his power to rid us of him forever.

Deluded Serie A

Serie A has always had problems, but since Calciopoli, it seems like they just cannot get it together. They focus on ridiculous things, like commissioning an anthem for the league three years ago that is meant to help curb corruption. Because songs totally curb corruption, right? In addition to that ridiculous irony, it was written in three languages: Latin, Italian, and English. Do you think most footballers speak those three languages? And I don’t know about the other languages, but the English is not great. So fitting for a league that is so intrinsically corrupt and self-destructive. But also so deluded at the same time.

Why Winning Isn’t the Only Thing

There is something I have always hated about Juventus: their entitled mentality. But that has morphed into something more sociopath than humane. They are so hell bent on winning that literally nothing else matters. Not their players, their directors, their fans, or even human beings in general. It is a horrible disease, and when people ask if I am jealous of Juventus, I am quick to say no, absolutely not. Because not only do I bleed red and black, but also I have a conscience and I value human beings. Juve’s motto may be “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing,” but it has created a club devoid of all human decency.

Podcast: Concede and Repeat

Milan have three wins in a row, and I couldn’t be more frightened. Why? Because we cannot keep a clean sheet to save our lives. It’s like having an amazing dinner, but knowing you’re going to get mugged on the way home. Not being able to keep 90 minutes of mentality is already making our results shaky, but stand to pull the rug out from beneath us in the long run. And it’s not just one game, it’s happening over and over again.

Milan 3, Chievo 1: Flawed Victory

We were playing the 20th place team. In our house. We should have dominated. And we did, with 68% possession and 20 shots, although only six of those on target. But if we were ever going to keep a clean sheet, this would have been the game. And we couldn’t. It was a flawed victory.

Milan-Chievo Preview: Three of a Kind

Every time we play Chievo, I think of Pandoro. I can’t help myself, Pandoro is the singularly most delicious thing in this world. And that Chievo are owned by Paluani, a company that makes Pandoro, doesn’t help. The second thing I think of are the Flying Donkeys. Because what the hell?! But this time around, I also think of the number three. First was Sassuolo, then Olympiacos, and I want Chievo to be our third straight win. Like three of a kind.

AC Milan 3, Olympiacos FC 1: The Comeback Kids

Milan have been so inconsistent this season, but the one thing they have been consistent on is conceding goals. But their second half meltdowns were becoming all too familiar, too. So what a refreshing surprise that after conceding a goal in the first half, they managed to step it up in the second half and win in style. And to add to the feel-good win, the goals were scored by our returning-from-injury strikers.

Europa League • AC Milan-Olympiacos FC Preview: In Search of Honor

Milan won their Serie A match on Sunday in spite of themselves. But now our Europa League test is upon us, as we face the top-ranked team in our group, Olympiacos. The Greek powerhouse team played to a goalless draw in their opening match against Real Betis, and will be in search of a win on Thursday. Despite having won our opening match with Dudelange, Milan will be seeking three points as well. This season has had more than its fair share of disappointments for us, so Milan will be playing in search of honor

Sassuolo 1, Milan 4: Goalfest

It wasn’t Milan’s finest hour. With no strikers starting, we all expected the worst. But it seems that those pesky strikers were apparently always in the way of the goal, and without them, the other players could finally score. In all seriousness, what started out as a horrific performance turned into an amazing result thanks to some individual brilliance. Instead of another disappointment, this match was a Milan goalfest.

Sassuolo-Milan Preview: Flashbacks

It feels like Sassuolo have a special curse on Milan where they win every time. But actually, Milan have won five of their last ten Serie A meetings, drawing once and losing four times. However one of those four losses was instrumental in getting Allegri fired, so it was kind of like a win. Still, every time we meet them, it seems like we experience some kind of flashbacks.

Empoli 1, Milan 1: Quagmire

This was a game that Milan should have won. And they were winning, in spite of Borini, until conceding yet another goal in the second half. That makes seven of all eight goals conceded this season conceded in the second half. To say that Milan are stuck mentally is quite the understatement. In fact, the whole team seem to be stuck in a quagmire.

Podcast: Rotations and Substitutions

Milan’s performances and results recently are lacking, but things are improving off the pitch. The announcement that Ivan Gazidis is finally going to come to the club as CEO was contrasted by lackluster performances on the pitch. Gattuso’s lack of experience is starting to show more as the number of games per week increases. So with things at the top improving while things on the pitch seem to be unravelling a bit, we focused more on rotation cultivation.

Milan 2, Atalanta 2: Stalemate

Another three points we let slip through our fingers… although this time at least it was to a worthy opponent. The match could have ended any other way, even just by the inches Bonaventura was offside when his first goal was disallowed. But Milan slightly outplayed Atalanta, and Gasperini’s assistant, Gritti, slightly out-coached Gattuso. And when it is that close, it can easily end in a stalemate.

Milan-Atalanta Preview: Gasperini’s Boys

Atalanta are an anomaly. They are a club with a pretty small budget, yet have been yielding excellent returns in recent years. With a wage bill of only €27m compared to Milan’s ridiculous €140m, Atalanta have to be taken very seriously. Indeed, they have gone from 13th in 2015-16 to finishing fourth the next year, and then last year in seventh, just behind us. Much of that success has been at the hands of the former coaching merry-go-round mainstay, Gian Piero Gasperini. He found his niche, apparently. So it is with much trepidation that we welcome to the San Siro on Sunday “Gasperini’s Boys.”

F91 Dudelange 0, Milan 1: Football Royalty

Near the beginning of the second half, my commentator referred to Milan as “football royalty.” But the only royalty from Milan were in the stands or on the sideline in the likes of Maldini, Leonardo, and Gattuso. That last guy only brought 19 players to Luxembourg, and only started two starters in an eleven that would never be called royalty. They were absolutely woeful, and lucky to score the goal. But Dudelange were the first team from Luxembourg to ever play in the Europa League Group stage. And for that alone, tonight they were football royalty.

Europa League • F91 Dudelange-AC Milan Preview: The Big Kids Table

Often at family gatherings, the youngest children are relegated to sitting out of sight, out of mind at a small table. The goal for those children is to be “big” enough both physically and socially, to be able to sit at the “big kids” table. I assume that is what Dudelange feel like, making it to the Europa League Group Stage not only for the first time in their club’s history, but also being the first Luxembourgish team to do so. Whether or not they are ready for dinner is another question altogether. But congratulations, Dudelange. And welcome to the big kids table.

Cagliari 1, Milan 1: Charade

The good news is that Milan played much better in the second half than they did in the first. The bad news is that the bar was so low for how badly they played in the first half that a rec league of grandmothers could have played better than Milan, at least for the first 25 minutes or so. Not even an early goal woke them up, it was as if this team were falsely wearing the red and black and putting on a charade.

Cagliari-Milan Preview: Without Further Ado

I will never understand why they start the season, and two or three weeks later have an international break. It seems so counter-intuitive. And with Milan’s match with Genoa having been postponed in the wake of tragedy, we have actually only played two games thus far, while Cagliari have played three. But it doesn’t matter now, Serie A is back. Personally, I don’t care who we play or how many matches they’ve had, I’m just ready for my Milan to play again, without further ado.

What It Means to Win Again

For brand new Milan fans, perhaps they wouldn’t understand. But for Milan fans who have been around for five, ten, twenty years or more, that title means everything. Having seen a Milan play in Champions League and perhaps even win it, then be saddled with Galliani’s trash signings and retirement-aged free transfers is like watching a family member suffer a terrible tragedy or illness and be reduced to a patient in bed, possibly in a coma. For years, each season, each mercato, we clung to any sign or hope from management or in the transfer windows, only to have those hopes dashed again once the team took to the pitch. But this time is different. This time, Maldini is back at the club, and he is providing a much-needed salve for our long-term wounds. Of all of the people in the world, he especially knows what it means to win again.

Podcast: The Power of Maldini

The clouds have truly lifted at Milanello, and the source of that bright shining light is not the sun, but rather the legendary Paolo Maldini. His mere presence has changed the atmosphere at and around the club. Victory is that much sweeter when he is watching his beloved team play as a director, where he should have been since he retired. He’s helped everyone raise their levels already, even Gattuso. That is the power of Maldini.

Mattia Caldara: Destiny of Defense

When Bonucci came to Milan, it seemed as if we had found the perfect experienced defensive partner for Romagnoli for at least the next few years. But actually, we found the perfect partner for Romagnoli for a very long time, because Bonucci’s short-lived stay at Milan allowed us to swap him back directly for the next generation center back, Caldara. Depending on how he develops, we might not see him as much as we might like this season, but it won’t be long before he will become the destiny of our defense.

Gonzalo Higuain: Milan's Marksman

With so much turmoil this summer and so many changes in such a short time, it’s been impossible to welcome our new players properly with a player profile. So during this international break, it seemed fitting to start with the new player who has immediately cemented a place for himself in our starting eleven: Higuain.

Milan 2, Roma 1: Victorious

It’s the kind of game Milan fans live for: a crowd of 58,000 fans at the San Siro. Both Milan and Roma royalty there in legends like Maldini, Kaka, Leonardo, and Totti. Even our hedge fund owner, Gordon Singer was there. All to watch a spectacle. And a spectacle was exactly what they got. Not only the show, but the three points and bragging rights, too. Victorious.

Milan-Roma Preview: Cry Wolf

One game under our belts against the Serie A runners up from last seasons, and there is a lot of speculation about a lot of things. Surprisingly, some fans are still incredibly optimistic about our chances for Friday’s match against Roma. Perhaps it was Atalanta’s three goals against them this weekend in the first half, or maybe they just didn’t see Roma’s comeback in the second half to come away with a point. Or maybe they are not familiar with the story of the boy who cried wolf, or what happened to his sheep when the wolf actually showed up.

Podcast: The Gattuso Dilemma

One game into the season and the media has already called for Gattuso’s head. Amidst all of the ridiculous hyperbole of the media and the fans, we try to sort through what actually happened in the match and perhaps apply a more realistic view of what might happen this season, particularly with our grinta-filled coach.