Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from April, 2018

Bologna 1, Milan 2: Git ‘er Done

I’m not particularly proud, but we got the three points. We played… well, we scored two goals and got the win, so that’s all that matters. Nevermind that the 12th place team on the table pinned us back for much of the match and had two goals disallowed, taking twelve shot with a ridiculously clinical seven on target. Nevermind that our squad took a beating, with injuries potentially lurking postmatch. At the end of the day, we were desperate for the three points, and more desperate for the mental boost those points could give us. As my redneck friends here in ‘Murica say, “Git ‘er done.”

Bologna-Milan Preview: Digging Deeper

Milan are in a tailspin of six games without a win. But for two of those games, against league leaders Juventus and Napoli, we actually performed very well, just didn’t get the result against superior teams. If you look at the table or the scores alone, it would seem to be a big problem. But it’s really not. Milan have matched their opponents in every one of these matches, and all they need to do to stop the spiral down the table is dig a little deeper.

Who’s to Blame?

Rumors continue to gather like a large storm brewing about Mirabelli’s job being in doubt, particularly with him starting to make public statements defending himself and his work. Despite Milan investing over €200m in the mercato last summer, we can at best only match our position on the table from last year. And despite Montella already being sacked, at this point, fingers are being pointed. With a bumpy start to the season, then a surprising success, followed by a six game winless streak, Gattuso oddly seems to have job security. Particularly since he was just handed a new three year contract with a 1667% raise. Ironically, Mirabelli’s work has come into question not only due to the poor results, but also because it was apparently his idea to promote Gattuso in the first place.

Podcast: Broken

In six days we played three games and went from good to okay to the worst just like that. We also lost another starter to a season-ending injury. Milan’s scoring problem is finally unable to be ignored, and the historic worst game was enough to suck the life out of the most optimistic and enthusiastic Milan supporters. Despite some good news entwined with the bad, it just feels like Milan are broken.

Milan 0, Benevento 1: Dark Magic

It’s the only explanation: Dark magic. Those witches put a hex on Milan. How else do you explain losing at home to the 20th place team, who were on 10 men, and have the worst defense in the league this season, having conceded 78 goals? How can even Milan, for whom scoring has not been easy this year, not score on that team? At least take a point? And now we are the only team in Serie A to not beat Benevento this year. We were the laughing stock of Serie A when we played them in November, but now we just sad and pathetic, like the guy in this video.

Milan-Benevento Preview: Are You a Good Witch? Or a Bad Witch?

This fixture could be hexed. If you’ll remember, the away fixture was Gattuso’s Serie A debut, and it was anything but magical. But now “Le Streghe” or “the Witches” are coming to the San Siro. Will they bring their brooms? Or would that be considered Quidditch? I don’t know. But when they do arrive, much like when Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz finds herself unexpectedly in Oz, I think it’s fair to ask them “Are you a good witch? Or a bad witch?”

Torino 1, Milan 1: Parody

Since Gattuso started coaching Milan in November, they have been developing their own style of play. And for a good part of this calendar year, that worked out really well for us. But lately, the team have been mirroring their opponents’ level of play. So for Juventus and Napoli, that was great, because the team played really well. It wasn’t so great for Inter and Sassuolo, who play very poor football. Going into this match, we should have not only guessed that we would pull off another draw, but also known that we would play down to Torino’s level. Although I’m not even sure we played that well, it was more of a parody.

Torino-Milan Preview: The Lorenzo Derby

It is well known that Bonucci’s older son, Lorenzo, is a massive Torino fan. It created a lot of problems while his father played at Juventus, seeing as they are crosstown rivals. For example, Lorenzo was caught on camera just crying horribly as his father made him wear a Juve jersey for a Scudetto celebration, it was like child abuse or something. At least his father did the right thing afterwards and took him to a Torino game to meet Lorenzo’s idol, Belotti. I like to think their relationship has improved, even though when Torino came to Milan in November, Belotti was seen giving little Lorenzo his match jersey and a kiss as his father walked by. It seems like Lorenzo mainly supports his father now that he’s at Milan… except when we play Torino.

Milan 0, Napoli 0: Neutralized

For once, not getting three points was not a problem for me. Because Napoli. Granted, we played them while they were not at their best this season, but even still they are playing some of the best football in Serie A. And we matched them, kept a clean sheet, and earned some footballing respect. Poor Napoli were simply neutralized.

Milan-Napoli Preview: Frightfest

There is nothing more frightening than being accused of territorial discrimination. Only slightly less frightening is playing Napoli. Which means that we are in for a real frightfest. Because not only are we playing Napoli, but we will be under scrutiny for territorial discrimination. But at least I can help with the latter. Nothing I can do about facing Napoli, we just have to hide under the covers and wait it out until it’s over.

Pride and Shame

I was planning this post to be about how well Roma and Juve represented Italy in the Champions League this week. I don’t even know if there are words for how proud I am of Roma. They smashed records, astonished even their biggest skeptics, and went swimming in ancient fountains to celebrate. Then offered to pay for the refurbishing of said fountain to the tune of €230 thousand. But then came Juve’s game. They also surprised and impressed by overturning a 3-0 deficit… away. But when a penalty was awarded to Real Madrid, they showed their true colors. Which for Buffon, was a straight red. And Chiellini motioned to Real Madrid players as if they had paid off the refs. And then came the public statements. Apparently, Juventus no longer have any shame. But certainly, to Serie A, they brought a lot of shame.

Podcast: Team Gattuso

We hit a bit of a wall in our march toward a return to Champions League, with a loss and two draws in our last three matches. But whatever frustration we have with results and injuries, we also are blessed with a great leader to see us through the tough times. Whatever differences people may have, the one thing I think we can all agree on is that we are all on Team Gattuso.

Milan 1, Sassuolo 1: Define Clinical

Have you ever seen the prank where people put plastic wrap over the toilet but under the toilet seat? It keeps everything out of the toilet and can be very messy for the unwitting person, or so I’m told. That was like Sassuolo's net in this match, and Consigli was the plastic wrap keeping the ball out of it. With 22 shots and eight on target, we should have absolutely taken more from this match. And while we had some great shots and Consigli had some even better saves to stop them, we could have done better. Perhaps Gattuso should define clinical.

Milan-Sassuolo Preview: Back to Work

After two disappointing results in two big and important games, Milan need to haul in as many points as possible from our remaining fixtures and pray for teams above us to choke… a lot… to have any hope of Champions League next season. One we don’t have any control over, but how many points we grab is completely up to us… and maybe a little to VAR, we’ll see. The point is, we have to get back to work and get back to winning. Every point counts at this point in the season.

Milan 0, Inter 0: Until the Death

The Curva Sud proved once again that they deserve to be in the Champions League of coreografia. Their clever, well-executed and amazing coreo proclaiming “Until the Death” made Inter’s pathetic coreo look like an 80 year-old woman designed it. One was worthy of the fierce battle that would play out over the next 90 minutes, one wouldn’t even make a Hallmark greeting card. And so it was that Milan fought to the death, while Inter made their own life difficult for them and had nothing to smile about at the end of the match. Despite the fact that Inter physically dominated much of the match, Milan held them off… until the death.

Milan vs. Inter: Man Down

Milan-Inter Preview: For the Children

We all hate Inter, no one more than me. As outlined in my previous preview post for the game that wasn’t played, there is no love lost whatsoever. But it has come to my attention that there is a far more important cause: the children. Every day, there are deplorable, despicable, abusive parents who try to force their children to be Interisti. These children are defenseless. They are unable to read or change the channel, some of them don’t even know their colors yet. Because if they did, they’d obviously choose red and black. Everyone knows that. They need our help. They need us to rescue them. They need Milan to destroy Inter on Wednesday so that their bandwagon fan parents will stop supporting Inter and abusing these poor children. We need a victory… for the children.