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Milan-Inter Preview: For the Children



We all hate Inter, no one more than me. As outlined in my previous preview post for the game that wasn’t played, there is no love lost whatsoever. But it has come to my attention that there is a far more important cause: the children. Every day, there are deplorable, despicable, abusive parents who try to force their children to be Interisti. These children are defenseless. They are unable to read or change the channel, some of them don’t even know their colors yet. Because if they did, they’d obviously choose red and black. Everyone knows that. They need our help. They need us to rescue them. They need Milan to destroy Inter on Wednesday so that their bandwagon fan parents will stop supporting Inter and abusing these poor children. We need a victory… for the children.

That is clearly not that child's writing, and he is trying to rip the hideous jersey off, too

When we were originally scheduled to face Inter, I liked our chances. At that point, Icardi had not scored since January and Inter were not winning. But now Icardi has scored six goals in two matches, or as my friend Vinny would put it, six goals since January. That also makes them two for two in their last two matches, and they think they are Champions League winners or something. For beating 19th place Hellas Verona, who were on 10 men. They are so delusional. For that match on Saturday, Spaletti lined up Handanovic; Miranda, Skriniar, D’Ambrosio, Cancelo, Rafinha, Brozovic, Gagliardini, Icardi, Perisic, and Candreva. It appears that he will only be missing Ranocchia, which is really a plus for them. So we will be facing a full strength bunch of Biscione. Not that it is scary, just perhaps more work for our warriors. But I’m sure they are up to the task, given the severity of the childen’s plight.

At least the Inter diaper makes some sense... all of us feel like urinating or defecating in those colors

Our warriors are a bit battle-weary, and having dropped three points on Saturday to the club with the worst fans, may be shaken a bit mentally, too. Although Gattuso probably is using that more to motivate them. Now this match is literally do or die for our Champions League dreams, having slipped to eight points behind those filthy snakes. Also questionable as to whether it discourages or motivates is the loss once again of Conti. He is currently in the U.S., seeing a specialist, and trying to determine if he needs yet another surgery after missing most of the season following his ACL surgery. Such a demoralizing loss after we had all been looking forward to his return. Especially Borini. He hates playing right back, it’s much harder for him to take as many wild shots off target when he’s trying to defend. And Abate is still out as of this writing, so we are counting on Calabria to save Borini from himself. If only Biglia wasn’t suspended, because we will also have to endure 90 minutes of Montolivo, which is a fate almost as bad as those poor children.

This poor child is not even allowed to wear shoes... help him

This is not a guaranteed win by any means. It will be an epic battle between the grinta-fueled players under Gattuso’s fierce command and the lazy, ungrateful, overpriced thugs that Spaletti tries to herd around the pitch. With our luck, they will prevail on some ref call or something. But we have to try to overcome their cheating ways and win this one for the kids. With Milan being the “home” team, we are counting on our fans to power us to victory, to help the abused and neglected children, and help us take three points from those hideous snakes. But mostly, we need to win this one for the children.


This post inspired by the music of Muse’s “Thought Contagion”


Serie A Week 27 (rescheduled)
Milan vs. Inter
Wednesday, April 4 • 18:30 CEST (9:30am EDT)
This match will be shown on BeIN Sports in the U.S.