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Milan 1, Chievo 0: Nauseating Win


Every fan supposedly has a breaking point, and likewise, every fan’s stomach has a breaking point. That point where your stomach just gets so nauseated by the football you are watching. For my stomach, I reached the nauseating point again today. Not only was it midweek, and I was cursed dealing with a terrible stream, but the overall play hurt my sensibilities and made me physically ill. I know this sounds crazy, because that was our second win in a row and we are now in eighth place in the table, but I would trade a loss with a decent performance for that win today. Because then at least I wouldn’t be so sick to my stomach.

The goal was certainly lovely

The positives were that we won, we maintained a clean sheet (barely, but we did,) and that Antonelli scored the game winner. That’s it. We traded three points to watch Cerci run all over and be dispossessed or maybe fire a wild shot or two, which has somehow raised some fans' confidence in him. We traded three points for 54% of some of the most timid and tepid possession you could have without actually letting the other team have the ball. We beat an average team who have been a little lucky this year and who played poorly today as well, although at least they had the excuse of playing away. We managed to escape with no cards, but lost Abate, who came off injured and was subbed by De Sciglio in the 14th.

If Pirlo was the metronome, then Montolivo is like one of those cheap carnival rides that just makes you throw up your cotton candy and caramel corn. And watching the passing and gameplay of the rest of the midfield is enough to make even the most seasoned sailor toss his cookies. Our defense held tight, I guess, but they weren’t really tested, as Chievo only had four shots. Although credit to the young Donnarumma, three of those shots were on goal, and he did have a spectacular save or two.

Maybe these two wins will build the team's confidence, but you'll have to do more than that to earn the fan's confidence

But why is Donnarumma even playing ahead of Diego Lopez? Why are Cerci and Montolivo starting when we have much better players on the bench? Why did I race home from work and frantically search for a stream just to watch another horrifyingly mediocre performance? Is Alex really the best person to be mentoring Romagnoli? Why did it take us 24 shots, only four of those on goal, to score just one measly goal? This doesn’t feel like a win, this just feels like I need to keep a bucket next to my couch in order to watch Milan, or maybe take something for motion sickness before I watch the next match.

But regardless of my stomach, it was three points. Three very valuable points, and I shouldn’t begrudge that. And yet, I cannot celebrate it, either, because the play is so painfully poor and it feels so very lucky to come out of the match with both the win and the clean sheet. But if it boosts their confidence and heads us both toward the top of the table and towards some actual football again, then a little vomiting is worth it, I guess. I just want something resembling my Milan back again. This was a very nauseating win.


This post inspired by the music of Joy Division’s “Dead Souls”


Our next match is
Lazio vs. Milan
Sunday, November 1 • 20:45 CET (2:45pm EST)