The Return of Allegri

After a blissful ten and a half years without him, Massimiliano Allegri is returning to AC Milan as the manager. For those of you who are new fans, count yourselves lucky that you missed the first version. Despite the fact that Allegri 1.0 brought us a Scudetto and a Supercoppa, those years were filled with unnecessarily unique lineup changes on a weekly basis, tactics that were inexplicable, and of course, his weird voice screaming "Dai Dai Dai" for nonstop. It was so traumatic, in fact, that after he left, I wrote a match review in the form of a break up letter. But, as all of my exes do, he has come back to haunt my life once again. I just wish we could have a manager who would finally truly see me for who I am. (I acknowledge that the 2005 team ended in great trauma and heartbreak, but that is part of the beauty of that song.) Unfortunately, though, Allegri is just giving me stalker vibes, which is on top of all of the other trauma this owner and management have created here. While many people are excited about his appointment, I am definitely not at all thrilled about the return of Allegri (just like people are not thrilled about stalkers.)

I know what you did last season.

Gerald and his minions have been destroying Milan since he bought the club, but they have made a particularly narcissistic and focused attempt since June 5th of 2023, when Furlani had Gerald sack Maldini. Most recently, that led to a chaotic season in which we went through two managers. The first was a hot mess and did some real damage to the team mentality and also our results. The second spent his time trying to clean up that mess, and was never acknowledged for what he did do. At the end of the season, they actually hired a new manager and almost forgot to tell Conceição he was sacked before they announced Allegri. Harsh.

Allegri's reaction when he got the call from Tare & Furlani.

So, the Legendary Allegri was apparently brought in to correct management's mistakes. He will earn more than both of the last two managers put together. The dream is that he is Italian (after the incompetents insisted on a foreign manager last season for whatever insane reason,) and that he's won in Italy. Especially after going through ten different managers in the 11 years since he left, management are under the impression that he can return us to winning ways (and perhaps some stability?) After being sacked from Milan in January of 2014,  Allegri was hired by Juventus for the 2014-15 season. You know, the team Pirlo went to after being benched by Allegri and not renewed by Galliani?

If Allegri would not play a 31 year-old midfielder, what will he do with Modrić?

That Juventus was the team that Beppe Marotta and Antonio Conte built and had won back-to-back Scudetti with. So, after allowing Pirlo to actually have playing time in the Bianconeri, Allegri rather easily won five consecutive league titles, four Coppa Italia trophies, and two Supercoppa trophies. Keep in mind that both Milan and Inter, usually Juventus' biggest rivals, were both struggling during these years, with Milan finishing 10th, seventh, sixth, sixth, and fifth respectively those seasons, and Inter never finishing above fourth during any of those five years.

He was more loyal to the Old Lady than he was to his hot young girlfriends.

Some people credit Allegri fully with those five Juve titles, others give more credit to Marotta, or even attribute the success to the team Conte left him, and others note that lack of real competition in Serie A. Keep in mind that after losing the Scudetto to Juventus by only four points in 2012, the closest Milan ever finished to Juve during these years was 22 points behind, and averaged closer to 30 points per season, finishing as low as 35 points below Juventus. So you can take your pick, but the credit for Juve's success is more likely a combination of factors. However, given the style of football his teams played and Allegri's history since then, as well as Inter's dominance once Marotta moved to the Nerazzurri club, the credit certainly cannot be given fully to Allegri.

"I did this."

Like most of the significantly younger women Allegri dated after divorcing his first wife, Allegri took a break following his success at Juventus. Well, actually sometimes he would ghost the women, cheat on them, or leave them pregnant or right before their wedding. Classy. But Juventus announced his departure at the end of the 2019 season as a "mutual agreement" following his Champions League failures. 

Unable to perform in the Champions League.

Max had lost two Champions League finals in three years, so Paratici conspired with Agnelli to bring in Cristiano Ronaldo for the 2018-19 season, a player they 100% could not afford. (This decision was the catalyst for Marotta to leave, and was one of the reasons Paratici, Agnelli, and the rest of Juve's board engaged in criminal activities regarding the club's finances.) But even with the player with the most goals and appearances in the Champions League, a player that Allegri had lost his second Final to, Juventus only made it to the Quarterfinal with Ronaldo playing for Juve. So the "mutual breakup" was really based on Allegri's impotence in Europe.

"You're pretty good, but you're no Matri."

I mean, to be fair, as Milan fans, we know that Juventus is also a big reason for failure in the Champions League. They have lost as many Champions League Finals as Milan have won. But how does a team have that much talent and dominate the league so completely, go to two finals in three years, and still come out losers? Buffon probably remembers.

Allegri longed for the days of champagne football at Milan.

After a two year hiatus from all football, and unsuccessfully suing his ex over child support payments, Allegri returned to the scene of his crimes against the beautiful game. This time, however, Cristiano Ronaldo had just left, and he did not have Marotta or a dream team to make his life easy like the years he had won the Scudetti at both Milan and Juventus. Plus, there was actual competition, with Milan edging out Inter for the Scudetto that season by just two points, then Napoli surprising everyone with the win the following season, and Marotta's Inter cheating dominating the 2023-24 season.

Allegri explaining "corto musa" to Galliani.

The 2021-22 season saw Allegri's ultra-defensive "corto musa" wins only able to earn Juventus a fourth place finish in Serie A. ("Corto musa" is a phrase used in horse racing that translates to "by a nose," a phrase Allegri is fond of due to his interest in horse racing.) The next year he also got them across the line to a fourth place finish on the pitch. However, the final verdict was handed down on the punishment for the club having achieved a sporting advantage for engaging in years of artificially boosting their financial statements through falsifying player values, also known as capital gains or plusvalenze. So Juventus were given a 10 point deduction, which dropped them down to seventh place (and ironically gave Milan a tiny bit of justice by handing us their Champions League spot.)

That moment you remember you're working for criminals.

After the sporting punishment had been applied, the 2023-24 season went a little better. With a few improvements to the team and the ban from UEFA competitions due to the Plusvalenze scandal, Max was able to lead Juventus to a third place finish, four points behind Pioli's Milan, edging out Atalanta and Bologna by two and three points respectively. That left only the Coppa Italia to focus on outside of the league, and Juventus faced Atalanta in the Final.

Allegri at Juve screaming "Calma," while Kjaer was actually bringing the calma.

This is where the story gets messy but also provides the most recent and obvious red flag. In that final, Allegri was shown a red card by the referee for a full-on meltdown, humorously referred to as his "striptease" by some journalists, he ripped his jacket and tie off while he was raging at the fourth official. He was shown a red card, and it was determined that he was "aggressive" toward the referee, so was given a two match ban in the Coppa Italia. That directly impacts us, as he will not be on the bench for our first official match, nor our second Coppa match should we progress.

What part of no do you not understand, Max?

Had it stopped there, it would not have been the most unusual story ever, he is not the first manager to lose his temper. However, it very notably did not. Juventus actually won the match, so he was out on the field during the celebrations, and he was making gestures toward Giuntoli, the club's Sporting Director. Then he went to do press, and he still had not managed to calm down. He grabbed a reporter by the wrist, yanking on him, telling him that he would get him and threatening to "rip both his ears off." 

Can I get a restraining order on that face?

Some say Juventus were looking for a reason to dismiss Allegri, but the club contended that his behavior was completely inappropriate. Which is obviously the case. There was talk of a lawsuit, and Juventus likely would have won a case of dismissing him for just cause. However, that would have delayed their ability to appoint a new manager, so they settled with Allegri regarding the amount owed to him on his remaining year of his contract.

Allegri pushed the Senatori out to make room for the real talent.

When Allegri was at Milan before, we had so many injuries, especially muscle injuries. He ended Pippo's career, as well as many of the Senatori, who painfully engaged in a mass exit in May of 2012. Fans remember the exit, but they forget that most if not all of them left because of Max. He desperately tried to defend his actions, but after Berlusconi and Galliani also sold Ibrahimović and Thiago Silva that summer, he had to realize that he had screwed himself over. He probably didn't think it would result in Milan's worst start in 70 years, though, as his descent into madness also destroyed the mentality of a team already diminishing so much in quality. Also, he was more than happy to play an aging Kaká when he made his return to Milan, so either he was desperate or he learned a lesson.

Allegri's motivational speeches.

Milan pulled off a miraculous third place finish in the 2013 season, earning what would be Milan's last Champions League qualification for seven years. Allegri would not even last to the end of that season's Champions League campaign, however, which ended in the Round of 16, losing to Atlético Madrid. The mentality issue impacted performances significantly, though, and came to the forefront when a player was asked about Allegri's motivational speeches, and he rated them a 4/10. It was Berlusconi's motivational speeches that were credited with getting the players back into the game.

Allegri may think he can pass the motivational ball to Ibrahimović, but he doesn't wear boots anymore.

But this time, Mad Max will not have a Berlusconi. And as much credibility as Ibrahimović has lost with the fans, he doesn't seem to have exactly been able to motivate the players, either, with reports of long "team meetings" after poor performances that sounded more like possibly verbally abusive sessions than motivational or collaborative "meetings." Certainly, they never worked, and seem to have only added to the toxic environment that has surrounded this team the past two seasons.

Speaking of toxic, has his perception of reality improved at all since he left Milan?

Speaking of toxicity, this year is our third consecutive Year Zero under Cardinale. Tare is a bit of an unknown, having only worked for the difficult Claudio Lotito at Lazio. And neither he nor Allegri were even the club's first choice in the first place. In this great opinion piece on Allegri to Milan, Susy Campanale perfectly explains the pros and cons of Allegri's return, and why Milan ended up with him. How he and Tare will fit into this completely dysfunctional and narcissistic management remains to be seen. Allegri seems to fit in perfectly in temperament and character, and he may even be more delusional than these clowns currently in charge. It may help that he is not really a "yes man," either. Having an established relationship with Ibrahimović, winning the Scudetto with him in 2011, hopefully Ibrahimović won't sack him at the first disagreement, either.

This will be hard to reproduce in this environment.

Then it remains to be seen how our team will shape up and how he uses the players who are remaining. Back in 2022, while at Juventus, he expressed glowing admiration for both Theo Hernández and Rafa Leão. The first is being pushed out by management, which does not seem like Allegri's choice, but Allegri reportedly immediately reached out to Leão, hoping to build the team around him. He reportedly fought to keep Maignan here after management completely screwed up his renewal. Samuele Ricci has arrived from Torino, the first time the club have addressed the glaring vacancy since they sold Tonali (or even before that.) If he is up to the task, that should significantly help with the defensive issues. Luka Modrić is also reported to arrive on a free transfer. Hopefully, Allegri will play him in spite of his age, because he still has so much to offer.

Allegri trying to eat Morata, that's why he doesn't want to come back to Milan.

One positive thing I will say about Allegri is that he is better at adapting to the players he has than, say, a manager like Fonseca, who was so rigid and wanted to enforce his tactics on the team. So his system will very much depend on the players he ends up with. But I do find it ironic that Allegri fans are excited for his nauseatingly boring and defensive football where he is likely to encourage long balls up to Leão to let him work his magic after spending five years criticizing Pioli for doing that (even though his football was actually far more modern tactically and beautiful to watch.) When Allegri returned for his second spell at Juventus, he was accused of having outdated tactics and having not kept up with modern football during his two year sabbatical from football. It remains to be seen how he will return from this year off. I am alson not looking to the probable return to injuries, something that has followed him each year, especially after Conceição and his staff managed them so well this past season.

Didn't we decide that Allegri Press Conferences are a human rights violation?

Management and so many others are looking at Allegri's past success and thinking that he will guarantee top four, based on the fact that he was able to do that at Juventus. However, at Juve, he always had a squad with a wagebill that was at least 40-60% higher than Milan's (if not significantly higher.) He demonstrated during his first stint at Milan that when the quality of the squad dropped, so did his results. And he doesn't have a Berlusconi to back him up with the motivation, either. In fact, he's stepped into a toxic hornet's nest, with players who have been traumatized for two years by this management, and he may not exactly be the right person to steady the mentality given his increasingly erratic behavior on the pitch (as well as the stressors of the choices in his personal life.)

Allegri is 100% giving stalker vibes.

However, if he can drag this team from an eighth place finish this past season back into Champions League qualification or better next season, hopefully management will consider him worth the reported €5 million per year salary. For me personally, he still gives football stalker vibes, and I do not look forward to seeing his creepy smile or hearing him shout "Dai Dai Dai" or listen to his completely unrealistic press conferences. Two years ago, when Juventus played Milan at a friendly here, I had the misfortune of sitting right behind Allegri and the Juve bench, and seeing and hearing him brought back the three and a half years of torment we were subjected to here. I remember exactly when I was certain his time was up at Milan the first time, and it was well before he was sacked. After his two terms at Juventus, his character has eroded so much and he has demonstrated so very many red flags, it is difficult for me to conceive how this season goes without consequence. But, ready or not, he is here. Please help me survive the return of Allegri.

This post inspired by the music of Muse's "Stockholm Syndrome"

The players have returned to train at Milanello 

The Summer Tour Dates:

23 July in Singapore vs. Arsenal

 26 July in Hong Kong vs. Liverpool

Milan 31 July in Perth, Australia vs. Perth Glory

I hope they kept this banner handy from the last time in case we need it again...