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The Milan Monolith™


I have just returned from the future. Yes, that’s right I have just returned from the year 2504 AD. How I got there, I don’t know. One minute I had a killer migraine, the next minute I was surrounded by people dressed strangely who were looking at me like I was an ancient relic (that happens to me every day with my kids, too, by the way, so I wasn't that surprised.) It seems I had been somehow summoned to help solve a mystery. The mystery of the Milan Monolith™.

Even after nearly 400 years, the monstrosity aroused curiosity

After they gave me some strange injection for my migraine, the questions began. What did I know about this giant red thing with sections missing from it? Were they always missing? Did it belong to some deity or extra terrestrial being? Was it made as a form of worship? Or was there some other meaning to it?

My head was spinning, but surprisingly my migraine was gone. (I needed to remember to take some of that stuff they gave me back… if I ever made it back.) Before I could answer their questions, I had a few of my own: How did I get here? Why was I here? What was the score of the Milan game? (Or did Milan even still exist?)

What did it mean?

Their patience was greater than mine, so they told me that they had summoned me to the future. No longer did archaeologists spend countless hours trying to dig up and make sense of civilizations, since time travel was perfected in the year 2269, scientists would just go back in time or summon people from the desired time period to learn what they wanted to know. It seemed they chose me because they were able to decrypt some primitive information from some ancient electronic gadget called an “iPhone’ and within those files were some of my blogposts with pictures of The Milan Monolith.™

Milan, it seemed, did still exist, but football was now played by cyborgs. It seems that in 2089, troubles with finances, racism, and health problems brought on by increased demands by human players threatened to kill the beautiful game, so cyborgs were developed to play instead. And Milan were up, 27-13 against Inter, by the way.

Dominating any setting

So now it was my turn. This giant red thing with the sections missing from it was an art installment from an artist called Fabio Novembre. There were two such busts created for an exhibition called “Seconda Pelle,” or second skin. His studio had also developed the accompanying book (at which point I had to explain what both a book and an ebook were.) The spaces were intentional, an artist’s use of negative space and shadow to create the illusion of the traditional red and black stripes.

Sadly, they were most disappointed to learn that the bust was not an homage to a deity or extra terrestrial being, although I explained that many worshipped the footballers who wore the red and black jerseys. They liked this idea. And I told them that there were some who believed the bust, after one of them having been placed at Milanello, the training grounds of the footballers, had some kind of protective powers. Others simply believed it reminded the players each day of the importance of the Milan jersey, and the players who had worn it before them.

An icon for an iconic jersey

I then showed them how to find the information on the ebook, “Seconda Pelle” using the iPhone device so they could learn more about the Milan jersey. And I also found some information on the Seconda Pelle exhibit and the other installations in that exhibit so they would better understand why the giant red Milan Monolith™ had been created.

They seemed oddly more pleased than if it had had magical powers or been some kind of sculpture created for a deity or extra terrestrial being. It was better than just solving a mystery, I had given their quest context and meaning. “The score?” I compulsively asked. Milan 32, Inter 14 FINAL. Milan had won their 287th Champions League Title by defeating their cross city rivals, Inter, who were only in the tournament because of some technical difficulties of other teams. And suddenly, it seemed as if this truly meant something to my hosts. They gazed fondly at the Milan Monolith™ and began to celebrate… or I think that’s what you call it. I was trying to figure out what exactly they were doing when my migraine came crashing back and I realized I was quite suddenly back in 2013 (and I had forgotten to bring back some of that magical medication they had given me.)

Glad they didn't really ask me about this installation...

Still, I was really happy. Happy that Milan was still important in 2504. Happy that, even with cyborgs as players, we could defeat Inter so soundly. Happy that racism in football had been eradicated. Happy that we would continue to dominate the Champions League, even after hundreds of years. Happy that they hadn't asked me to try to explain the hideous Disco Kits™ of the same year. Happy that finally, I had found a use for that ridiculous Milan Monolith™: to inspire and communicate the pride and glory associated with the Rossoneri jersey. And that was priceless.


This post was inspired by p3trarch

Our next match is the
International Champions Cup First Round
Valencia vs. Milan
Saturday, July 27 • 20:00 CEST (2pm EDT)