Caro Babbo Natale (Dear Santa)

This year, Milan fans have tried to be very good. Yes, we did sing chants against Inter during our Scudetto parade celebrations, but have you seen their referee record last season? Not a single red card at all. It is almost as if all of the elves hid all of their red cards or something. Plus, it was Inter. They are pretty easy to mock. But truly, that was very unclassy and not typical Milan behavior. And we paid our fines and have tried to make up for it the rest of the time. So please, Babbo Natale, if you could just be so kind as to grant us some Christmas wishes...

Babbo Natale has already brought back Mr. Champions League, but we need more...

My first wish would be to have no more serious injuries this season. We have had enough serious injuries this season already to last a few seasons, and that has been a running theme at Milan since coming back from the COVID lockdown. We still do not have all of our players back from those injuries, with Ibrahimović, Florenzi, and Maignan still out and without return dates. Please, just six months of healthy players is all I ask.

Also, having had four different ownership changes in five years now, would it be possible for this one to work out for us for a while, please? People forget that despite what Maldini and others have done to bring this club back from the grave, there has still been so much going on that has kept us from rebuilding properly.

Think of how far we have come in just five years, Santa

Speaking of rebuilding properly, now that we finally have our new owner and new CEO in place, could you maybe help us out in the January transfer window? Our injuries have demonstrated once again what a lack of depth we have because of having so many young players and having little to no funds available to invest in recent transfer windows due to everything else going on. We could really, really, really use just a few solid reinforcements to get us through with all of this bad luck we have had.

Please, Babbo Natale, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, Santa, or whatever your preferred name is, Milan have worked very hard to get our finances in order, while other clubs have been very, very naughty. We have made the sacrifices to do the right things while the other clubs have cheated their way to their success. 

Please take him somewhere that he can never find his way back to Milan again

Can you please find it in your heart to help us out by tying Bakayoko to your sled and dropping him off somewhere you forget about? Or make Leão and Bennacer's agents hearts grow three sizes and have the players sign contract renewals? Or at the very least, humble those insufferable, repugnant Napoli fans, who do not even know the first thing about how to win gracefully? Or actually winning anything at all? (Feel free to keep sending Drake the Napoli gear, that is super helpful.)

Our players excelled at the World Cup, but now will not be rested and at higher risk of injury

Perhaps I sound greedy, and for that I apologize. I know we won the Scudetto this year, and I am truly grateful. But we did suffer so much for that, and everyone worked so hard, especially Mister Pioli and all of the guys. We had many players at the World Cup, including Giroud and Theo starting in the Final. Leão and Maignan were both nominated for Ballon d'Or awards. And there were so many other individual and team awards, too.

It is not as if Milan are only asking, Milan are very good at giving back, too. Fondazione Milan is celebrating 20 years of giving back this year, and lately, everyone at Milan have been showing what it means to be Milan by giving back everywhere they go.

Massara and Maldini serving meals to the poor

I'm not asking for another Scudetto, Santa. Unlike Inter, I know that those are earned through sacrifice and hard work, and I know that everyone on the team are ready to give everything they have in all four competitions we are competing in: the Supercoppa, Coppa Italia, Champions League, and Serie A. But they earned this last one against all odds, after three years of hard work, and all I ask is that the playing field is evened just a teeny bit this year. Fewer injuries for Milan, no more changes in ownership, and some actual reinforcement in the January mercato. Just bring us close to competitive on paper so the guys can do the rest.

In return, I'll see what I can do about the behavior during the Scudetto celebrations. I cannot make any promises. Tonali is Milan nel cuore, and even Ambrosini could not resist back in 2007. And you of all people should understand, Inter have probably never been on your "nice" list. I cannot predict how people will react, or even if Milan can pull off a win again. But I just know that after having been through so many challenges, we could use just a little Santa magic this year.

Grazie. Forza Milan!

This post inspired by the music of Eartha Kitt's "Santa Baby"

Caro Babbo Natale (Dear Santa) Caro Babbo Natale (Dear Santa) Reviewed by Elaine on 11:59 PM Rating: 5
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