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Coppa Italia Final • Juventus vs. Milan: Hardware



Anything that is hard in life is worth having. That includes hardware. As in the Coppa Italia trophy. That also comes with a magic patch that we could put on those awful new Puma kits to dress them up a bit next season. Plus there’s bragging rights. Beating the team that is likely to lift a seventh consecutive Scudetto here in a couple of weeks is worth bragging about. It would also take a bit of the sting off of a season that didn’t live up to everyone’s dreams. But it would also mean automatic qualification into the Europa League  group stages. And that gives the team the opportunity to come here to the U.S. to see me… I mean to play in the ICC tournament and make some serious cash while they frolic under the Southern California sun... sorry, I was daydreaming. Let’s just say that this match is all about the hardware.

Exquisite Karma

Juventus are a winning machine. They have done everything right in recent years, from the top all the way down to their stupid new logo. No, that was not right at all. It’s not natural. It’s a hideous freak of nature blight on their storied colors. Granted, they can’t win a Champions League final to save their lives, but hey, at least being the best of Serie A is better than not winning anything at all. Which is really what I hope they do in this final… lose. I feel like our guys deserve to come to Los Angeles and play in the historic Rose Bowl and maybe see some sights… oops, there I go again… sorry, daydreaming once more.

The real trouble with Juve is that they have Allegri. He hasn’t managed to run them into the ground like he did at Milan, but he also struggles with finals. And smiling without creeping everyone out. And also lineups and squad rotation. But luckily for them, Juve have so many great players, it’s not like playing Russian roulette every time the lineups are announced. The players he’s called up for this match are: Buffon, Szczesny, Pinsoglio, De Sciglio, Benatia, Alex Sandro, Barzagli, Howedes, Rugani, Lichtsteiner, Pjanic, Khedira, Marchisio, Matuidi, Asamoah, Sturaro, Bentancur, Cuadrado, Higuain, Dybala, Douglas Costa, Mandzukic, and Bernardeschi. Chiellini is still injured, which sucks for him, but is great for our injury list. But may help Milan find their way here to California this summer...

Yes, he is crazy... but the good kind of crazy

The shocking news for Milan is that Biglia has been included in the squad. Gattuso said he wasn’t sure he would play him even still, given that he fractured two vertebrae in his lower back just two and a half weeks ago. But he said he would get to the Coppa final, and he will be there. But other than Conti, I believe everyone else is called up. Which is perfect, because we need everyone to earn their trip here to the beautiful beaches of Southern California... wow, I really am distracted. Sorry.

Let’s hope they play the game not only of this season, but of their lives. Because playing here in Los Angeles just feels right… I can't even get through one paragraph... sorry. Even Juventus know that we have what it takes to beat them. And that we have their amazing would-have-been captain. Winning this game would mean we would take a trophy from those awful, entitled fans, too. Plus the magic patch next year. And a trip to Los Angeles. And bragging rights. And a Europa League Group Stage spot. So many things at stake in 90 short minutes. It may not be easy, but I definitely think we can beat them if every member works together to make it work. And after all, it’s all about the hardware.


This post inspired by the music of Survivor’s “The Eye of the Tiger”


The Coppa Italia Final
Juventus vs. AC Milan
Wednesday, May 9 • 21:00 CEST (12noon EDT)
This match will be shown LIVE on GolTV in the U.S.