Sono Pazza

Yes, I’m crazy. This should not be news to anyone who has ever read anything I’ve written. But sometimes being crazy pays dividends. Like seeing things and hearing things that no one else can. So I decided to tell you about something I saw and heard that probably no one else did. It was an interview I had with Giampaolo Pazzini. Here is the transcript. Please enjoy while I have tea with my imaginary friend and go feed my 157 cats.

Press conference? That's nothing. Try sitting down with a crazy woman.

Me: Thank you for taking the time to speak with me, Giampaolo. I have been a fan for a while now, and I must say that the red and black is a good look for you! How do you like AC Milan so far?

Pazzini: Thank you, I am really enjoying the move so far. Everyone has been so nice to me, especially my old friend Riccardo Montolivo.

Me: Okay, but tell me the truth. Montolivo is a little to obsessed with you, don’t you think?

Pazzini: (laughing) No, he’s a great guy, I’ve known him since I was a kid at Atalanta, We’ve always been close friends. It’s nice to be on the same team again.

Me: But he’s kinda creepy, right?

Pazzini: Okay, just a little. But really, he’s the nicest guy in the world.

Me: You know he said he dated Cristina for a month before he kissed her, and then it was only a kiss on the cheek?

Pazzini: Okay, that is creepy. Cristina is a beautiful woman.

Pazzini and his wife,  Sylvia Slitti

Me: Speaking of women, you married your beautiful girlfriend of over 10 years last summer, and then you welcomed your son, Tommaso just before Christmas last year, too. Do you think being a husband and a father has changed you as a player?

Pazzini: As a player? No, I still train just as hard and play hard, too. But as a person, it does change you. Not being married as much as being a father.

Me: Do you think your son will play football too?

Pazzini: It is a little early to tell, he is not even walking yet! I hope he will do whatever he loves and whatever he is good at.

Me: Well speaking of what you are good at, you scored a hat trick for Milan in your first league start. But there was some controversy on the call that resulted in a penalty. Tell me, honestly, was it fair or was it a dive?

Pazzini: It was maybe a little bit “furbo.”

Me: Haha, “furbo,” or “cunning” or “crafty,” huh?

Pazzini: In calcio, it really doesn’t have those same connotations, it means more that you are clever enough to take advantage of the situations given you. He had my jersey, it was only natural that I should fall.

Me: Fair enough. I’ve always wanted to ask you something about your trademark celebration.

Pazzini: No, it is not vulgar!

Me: (laughing) I know, it’s “snake eyes.” But I’ve always wondered… have you ever poked yourself in the eyes or face when teammates come to celebrate with you?

Pazzini: (laughing) Uhhhh…. Well to be honest, maybe once or twice.

Me: I knew it! Have you ever considered maybe a safer celebration?

Pazzini: Well, I don’t really think about it, to be honest. I really try to think most about scoring goals.

Me: Well that is fine by me. Pippo was just interviewed and said that he saw a lot of correlations between you two, including that he came to Milan at the same age. What do you think about that?

Pazzini: Of course I am very flattered. And I could only hope to accomplish even half of what he has, he is a legend.

Me: Well I for one hope that you stay at Milan at least as long as he did, and who knows? Maybe you can get the Champions League record back from Raul for Pippo!

There are worse ways you could injure yourself

Okay, so I ended up having tea with the cats instead, only they actually turned out to be my kids’ stuffed animals. Either way, I still think that makes me crazy. But if being excited to have Pazzini at Milan makes me crazy, put this on my permanent record. He is a fantastic signing, pure class, and I am looking forward to many more of his unique celebrations for years to come. That’s right, I’m crazy for Pazzini. Sono pazza per il Pazzo.

This post inspired by the music of Prince

Our next match is

Milan vs. Atalanta

Saturday, September 15th • 20:45 CEST (2:45pm)