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Juventus 1, Milan 0: Confuse and Astound


There is an old adage that says “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” Apparently, Milan took that to heart tonight when facing Juventus. They obviously took a page out of Allegri’s game plan, to “confuse and astound.” And to be quite honest, Milan upped their game for this one. However, it cost them three points and let Juve jump ahead of us on the table, too. But we as fans shouldn’t be that surprised or heartbroken about this one. We are used to failure and disappointment whenever we see Allegri’s Face. Just be grateful we get to face Inter and Bari on Tuesday now instead of playing in the Champions League. See what I mean? Confuse and Astound.

The team who sucked less won

Confuse: Juventus had to be confused as to why Cerci was on the pitch with real men and real players. I think we all are. Some people argue he’s good at counter attacks. But let me ask you mysterious people: shouldn’t we score at the end of a counter attack? How is he doing something good if he gets dispossessed at every turn? Takes wild shots instead of passing to his teammates? I still haven’t solved the Cerci Riddle. At least Juventus were equally confused today.

Astound: Everyone had to be astounded by the young Donnarumma today. He wasn’t overly tested, as Juve also played pretty poorly. But when he was, he was phenomenal. It was amazing to see him meet his idol, Buffon, who had to look up to the Boy Wonder as they exchanged jerseys. He didn’t get the win or the clean sheet that he wanted, but he did get to meet his idol, and I’m sure Buffon shared some very kind words of wisdom with him.

"Son, let me tell you about the birds and the bees..."

Confuse: I am continually confused by entitled Milan players and fans. It was never a surprise that the players who go to ground easy and take their time getting up, complaining to the ref are also the same ones not running, not playing well, and basically taking up a place on the pitch that we have someone better for. But it’s old. Seriously. Get some class.

As for the fans, consider your sources if you are going to try to help stir up controversy. There was no penalty overlooked in the 47th minute, Niang fouled Sturaro before Bonaventura and Bonucci had contact. Mazzoleni was spot on, and there should be no controversy about this play. Considering all of the controversy there has been in recent years between these two teams, why not take the high road and admit what we talked about on the podcast? Simply that the team that sucks less would win? Because that was absolutely true.

Astound: Bonaventura owning Pogba. Even if you admire Pogba’s undeniable talent, his ego is much less admirable, and his attitude downright obnoxious. So to watch our fan favorite Bonaventura school him over and over was simply astounding (and also very, very delicious.) Kuco did his part to try to break Pogba, but alas, he lacks the skills to humiliate him. Still fun to watch.

"Who is this Bonaventura guy, and why isn't he playing in Europe?!"

Confuse: I’ve written over a thousand posts since Galliani & Allegri pushed Pirlo out of our squad. A thousand. And still we have nowhere near the level of skill in midfield from that time. In every single match we’ve played since then, the midfield has been the glaring nightmare. It’s been obvious even to casual fans, but instead we give Preziosi €3m for Kucka and pretend we’re going back to the top? How does this make any sense? How can Berlusconi keep complaining about spending €150m when he didn’t buy the player(s) we needed most?

And why is it that after every goal we concede, Montolivo is walking or sauntering behind the action, often having been the weak link that led to the goal. At least after Dybala’s excellent goal this time, he seemed to almost be jogging, and he wasn’t at fault, either. But still. He is always in the wake of tragedy instead of preventing it. He was always called a poor man’s Pirlo, I think he’s proven himself to be just a poor man.

Astound: The best skills we saw from Milan during this game came in the 60th, when the ball went out of bounds and Mihajlovic showed that maybe he should be on the pitch.

That is some serious shoe-tying action there

That this game was played at such a low level from both teams is a bit confusing, and were it not for one astounding moment of team play and completed passes from Juve, it would have finished in an Allegri classic draw. But instead, Dybala’s goal got Allegri so worked up, he had to tie his shoe, those were some intense celebrations there. And now they move ahead of us on the table and we go to play a meaningless friendly while they play in the Champions League. Are you confused and astounded yet? If so, maybe you should call up Berlusconi and Galliani and have a little chat with them. I’m sure they’ll listen, just like they have for the past three years. Now that is a lesson in confuse and astound.


This post inspired by the music of Norah Jones’ “Feelin’ the Same Way”


Our next match is a ridiculous midweek friendly tournament
Trofeo San Nicola
Bari vs. Milan vs. Inter
Tuesday, November 24 • 18:00 CET (12noon EST)