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Dreaded Locks

Footballers are synonymous with hairstyle blunders. In fact, the list of horrifying coifs is probably longer than the list of players who have won the World Cup. While some hairstyles are iconic (Ruud Gullit’s dreadlocks come to mind) others are the source of visual nightmares.



Our current Milan squad is pretty normal in the hair department. But there are a few exceptions, a few players who I’d like to pull aside and give a hairstyle makeover to. Some are simply the source of endless discussion. For example, Ibra’s new high ponytail has seemingly split fans, you either love it or hate it. Even Berlusconi weighed in, as he apparently recently advised him to cut his hair.

So today I thought I’d let you guys weigh in on 5 of the worst hairstyles currently on the Milan bench. Please take the poll below, and feel free to tell us what you do or don’t like about these and other Milan players’ hairstyles.



Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Having often worn his hair longer, and sometimes pulled sections back into a ponytail, this year he’s taken advantage of his newfound length and slicked it all back into a high ponytail. Bonus consideration for the mustache/goatee combo. I love the hair, the facial hair not so much, but I put him in the poll because I know so many do not like it.






Ignazio Abate
The boy wonder really makes me wonder. I mean, how do you take an already bad haircut and make it worse? He looks like Bart Simpson. His clean shaven sides move higher every few months, pretty soon, he’ll have just a little circle of hair in the center of the top of his head. Don't your ears get cold, Abate?







Gennaro Gattuso
Okay, I know it’s hard to get past the glasses in this one, but my favorite bulldog really needs a haircut. His “Samurai” haircut of pulling the front sections to the back in a ponytail with the rest hanging down long was a conversation piece last year, but now it just seems sloppy. I’d be fine with the style if it was just shorter.






Christian Abbiati
It doesn’t matter what you do on the pitch, this poll is all about aesthetics. Poor Abbiati didn’t really luck out in that department, and at this point in his life has chosen to ‘clean sheet’ his head. He just doesn’t pull it off like some guys can. Unfortunately, he may have made this poll even with his hair, so good thing he didn’t go into modeling.






Stephan El Shaarawy
How does an 18 year-old make this list? Most of them look like they are freshmen in high school, all sweet and innocent. But I guess if people call you the Little Pharoah, you’ve got to give them an image fit for a king. Or not. Because it’s not exactly a mohawk, and it’s not a fauxhawk. is it? Then he shaves those little lines into it. What was he thinking? Let’s pray he grows out of it.




Note: this poll is intended to be purely aesthetic, so please try to remove your personal feelings about the player or the person and focus on the visuals - I want accurate data!








This post inspired by the music of Weezer