Tuesday, February 5, 2013

50 Shades of Red and Black


I was filled with desire. There was nothing else I could remember that had made me feel this way. It was more than attraction, it became my obsession. It was all I could think about, filling my every waking moment… and many of my sleeping ones, too. I would do anything just to be near the object of my desire…. anything. I was consumed with the images… the sounds… the way it made me feel. I was consumed with my red and black.


No, this isn’t the start of a poorly written erotic romance novel. This is the plight of many Milan fans worldwide, things that help us know that we truly love our red and black. If you can relate to any of these 50 shades, then you know you are in this relationship, too. A relationship of pleasure and pain, of submitting to the Mister and giving up control of your every weekend from August through May, and many weekdays, too. If any of these 50 shades of red and black sound familiar to you, then your masochism makes you a Milan fan.


50 You plan your weekends around Milan games
49 You purchase things in red and black unconsciously
48 You own a Milan jersey
47 Milanello is a travel destination for you
46 Explaining to someone what a Scudetto is has happened more than once
45 You make up Milan all time starting elevens instead of doing what you ‘re supposed to be doing
44 You know who Tiziano Crudeli is
43 Conceding a goal feels like getting punched in the stomach
42 Your Italian vocabulary is limited to words like forza, mercato, m**da, Scudetto, etc.
41 You’ve sacrificed your liver for the club
40 You’ve asked for something Milan related for your birthday or Christmas
39 You’ve teared up listening to “Inno Milan”
38 You know the words to “Inno Milan”
37 You find yourself explaining to your boss why you were screaming at work while watching a match
36 You’ve trained your children or nieces or nephews to hate Inter
35 You’ve cried when a Milan player got injured
34 You’ve dreamt of being a Milan manager
33 The release of the new Milan jersey is more exciting than Christmas
32 You check Milan news more than once a day during the mercato
31 You have more Milan related fantasies than any other kind


30 You’ve considered redecorating your place with a red and black theme
29 You’ve redecorated your place with a red and black theme
28 You’ve considered getting a Milan tattoo, and you don’t even like tattoos
27 You have a Milan tattoo
26 You get physically nauseated when you see black and blue together
25 You’ve dumped someone because they can’t relate to your red and black lifestyle
24 You sacrifice food, sleep, or any other life necessity to watch Milan
23 You wake up in a cold sweat thinking you’ve missed a match
22 You would sell out a friend for the chance to see Milan play
21 You’ve considered getting a Mohawk because of our front line
20 You’ve had actual heart palpitations when seeing a Milan lineup or formation
19 You know more about Milan legends than you do your extended family
18 You’ve used players’ names as curse words
17 The devil is not a theistic being to you, but an adorable red mascot better known as “Il Diavolo”
16 You have accidentally shouted a player’s name instead of the person you’re with at an inopportune time
15 You wonder why Galliani Day™ is not an international holiday
14 You confuse something you’ve done in FM with real life
13 After a loss, it feels like you’ve actually been violated
12 You have considered naming your child after a Milan player
11 You ignore family and or friends for anything Milan


10 You read this blog (considered a form of torture)
9 You are concerned that your love of a particular player may extend beyond normal fandom
8 You’ve met one or more Milan players
7 You’ve seen the team play
6 You pay more attention to Milan’s finances than your own
5 You’ve priced season tickets even though you don’t live in Italy
4 You call our players by their first names
3 You fantasize about knowing our players by their first names
2 You’ve made the pilgrimage to the San Siro for a match
1 You bleed red and black

If you can relate to any of these 50 shades of red and black, then you are not living some fantasy, you are truly a Milan fan. Feel free to add any other Milan fetishes you have in the comment section. Forza Milan!


This post inspired by the music of She Wants Revenge


Our next match is
Cagliari vs. Milan
Sunday, February 10 • 15:00 CET (9am EST)



Also check out The State of the Union: Milan part 2
a Q&A hosted by @PDAcquaviva
featuring @ginodb@DavidLSwan, and me!

part 1 here: The State of the Union: Milan part 1