Traditionally, Devil's Night is the night before Halloween, a night that began as a chance to prank people and escalated at one point to massive property destruction and lighting entire portions of cities on fire. But Milan decided to make the Derby their very own Devil's Night, and merely toy with our favorite victims, Inter. And with record attendance, the Curva Sud with their first coreo allowed in two years, and the legendary Kakà in the house, Milan and Moreira made sure that Inter felt burned to the ground in our 3-1 Derby della Madonnina win. Milan have now won the last four and are now unbeaten in eight consecutive Derbies (nine if you count the friendly in Australia this past summer,) and are the only team to beat Inter in their last 40 Serie A matches. So now, not only is Milano Red and Black, Saturday night was our very own Devil's Night.
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| Inter had no answers for Moreira. |
This practically perfect Derby kicked off with Pulisic scoring a header from a Moreira assist. 1-0 Milan. Perfectly capping off his renewal this week, the 5'10" (1.78m) attacker scored a rare header to give Milan the early lead. And Moreira was only just beginning to personally terrorize Inter in a Derby that will historically be known as his.
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| Eradicating snakes since 2023. |
Just six minutes later, Milan executed a perfect training ground play that Amorim's assistant, Carlos Fernandes, came up with. Rabiot, left open by Modrić's decoy during Moreira's corner kick, just casually sent the ball toward goal, and it hit the inside of the post and bounced in past a diving Josep Martínez. 2-0 Milan. Glorious. There is a DAZN BordoCam video that apparently shows Chivu screaming at his players to mark Modrić just before the ball was swung in, which pulled the attention away from Rabiot, and this devilish trickery on Halloween was particularly appreciated by me.
In the 18th minute, Modrić nearly scored, but Ramos, who tried to duck out of the way, ended up blocking him. A shame, because a Modrić goal might be the only thing that made this Derby more perfect. And now, it was time for Inter to take control of the match and take some chances, including a Carlos Augusto header that went just wide in the 19th minute.
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| Some Halloween set piece trickery? Yes, please. |
Things were also getting physical, obviously, as Gila was fouled in the 21st, but it was in the 22nd that my worst nightmare came true. From a Turkish Traitor™ corner, Bastoni the Reprehensible™ scored. Now it was 2-1 for Milan. Literally, two of the lowest that humanity has to offer combined to pull one back for the team I hate more than anything in this world. I was instantly nauseous.
Luckily, my captain and hero Maignan reminded me that all would be okay just two minutes later with an epic save on the Turkish Traitor™, tipping it over the bar with very quick reflexes. Diouf tested his luck from a free kick, but Maignan saaved that, as well. Then, in the 34th minute, Spence took a point blank shot, and Maignan made a miraculous reflex save that showed why he should have been on the list for top goalkeepers for the Ballon d'Or, but someone really screwed up. Just to clarify you, for those who were forced to watch the U.S. feed, Maignan does not have a leg growing out of his shoulder, as your embarrassingly poor commentator would have you believe (he said Maignan "just stuck his leg out," when he actually saved it with his arm.)
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| Magic Mike? Miracle Mike is more like it. |
The Turkish Traitor™ fouled Diawara in the 38th, as usual, Inter had nearly twice as many fouls as Milan. But that did not stop Marcus The Molester™ Thuram from crying for a penalty in the 40th after contact with De Winter. Gratefully, Guida knew it was definitely not. Pavlović made his usual attacking effort in the 41st minute from a Diawara cross, but no goal. Sučić had a shot saved, too. Then the most beautiful part of the match happened.
In the most perfect of scenarios, the whiny Bitch Baby Barella™ was the one who conceded a free kick by fouling Musah pretty hard in a dangerous area in the 42nd minute. Moreira, who already had two assists on the scoresheet, asked Modrić if he could take it, and he agreed. Mind you, only two players had ever scored from a direct penalty kick in the Derby before this in the past 20+ years, so it was an audacious idea from Moreira. But this was now his Derby. So, he took the free kick, which went perfectly just over the wall, curling into the back of the net. 3-1 Milan. The stadium erupted with joy (and so did I.) With two assists and a goal, obviously, Milan fans chose Moreira as their MVP.
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| The perfect free kick to kill off Inter. Undisputed king of the Derby. |
The second half was not as eventful, although still had the Derby atmosphere. It started with De Winter getting a yellow card in the 49th for fouling Marcus the Molester™ Thuram, even if he had been pulling De Winter's shirt. And I was just hopeful that De Winter knew to protect himself from the same fate as Savić. In the 52nd, Moreira was called for a foul then protested to Guida, so shown a yellow card. Now this was the kind of refereeing we were used to, especially against Inter.
Meanwhile, Inter continued to take chances, they would take 19 shots in all, with eight on target, meaning Maignan made eight saves. Pavlović ramped up his defending, with nice tackles on Diouf and Barella, for example, in the 66th and 69th minutes, respectively. But it all threatened to fall apart when, in the 74th minute, Guida called a handball on Gila in the box, awarding Inter a penalty. I don't know what magic forces were at play, but Mazzoleni immediately called Guida to do an On Field Review (OFR,) which clearly showed that the ball had hit Gila's chest, not his arm, and Guida had no choice but to reverse his decision. No penalty. Was this the greatest Derby ever? I don't even know how that happened.
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| Diawara impressed, especiallyfor such a huge match. |
Bitch Baby Barella™ took a free kick in the 76th minute, and then something very Inter-taining happened. Maignan attempted to clear the ball, but Bisseck's groin got in the way, point blank, and he went down in pain. I normally feel terribly when a man suffers this type of injury, but honestly, Bisseck brought this on himself. Also, gratefully he did, because had the ball not hit him, we would have been in trouble from the failed clearance.
Normally more concerned with rotation in this hectic schedule, Amorim made his first subs in the 83rd minute, with Bartesaghi replacing Diawara, Jashari replacing Musah, and Cisse replacing Puiisic. In the 88th, Moreira went down, I assume cramping from all the awesomeness of winning so much. So in the 89th minute, Hutchinson replaced him, and the dreaded Filippo Terracciano replaced Ramos.
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| Pavlović perfect tackle. |
Hutchinson was almost immediately taken out by Carlos Augusto, who put his studs directly on the inside of Hutchinson's ankle, and was immediately shown a yellow card. Cisse, who already has seven goals in all competitions this season, took a great shot that forced Josep Martínez into an even more impressive save. Akanji took the opportunity to foul Cisse in stoppage time, but that was about it. The whistle blew to another Derby win for Milan. Milano was red and black again. The entire stadium was in full voice, and it was a beautiful thing.
Personally, I credit some very special little Rossonere players for this win. As a special Halloween treat, they dressed as witches and created a special Kilpin-inspired incantation, which was not only adorable, but apparently very effective. After all, who else could inspire such a perfect Halloween Derby?
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| "We will never betray you." Welcome back, Curva Sud. |
Well, there was also Kakà, who was awarded his Tiffany plate by Daniele Massaro in this management's reincarnation of the Milan Hall of Fame ahead of the match. Just to have our former number 22 in the house made every Milan fan there so emotional, and clearly helped inspire our current number 22, Moreira, on his brilliant Player of the Match performance. Although, I don't know, he seemed pretty motivated in his interview prior to the match, in which he said, "If I could play this match, I would die for my team. I can't wait."
Even better that the stadium was packed, given that they opened up a section near the top that had been closed off since 2019. And with the Curva Sud finally able to have banners and coreo again, it was just such an incredible feeling. I always love watching our boys destroy the hopes and dreams of those belligerent, violent, unsufferable, fraudulent, entitled, scumsucking little grass snakes. So, for me, it was even better than a Devil's Night.
Milan Futuro vs. Piacenza
Wednesday, November 4 • 14:30 CET (8:30am EST)
Thursday, November 5 • 18:45 CET (12:45pm EST)
Milan Futuro vs. Virtus Ciserano Bergamo
Sunday, November 8 • 14:30 CET (8:30am EST)
Sunday, November 8 • 15:00 CET (9:00am EST)